Joe Paterno Captures 400th Win, Just Happy To Get Paid

He's had to face down concerns about his health and open speculation about who will succeed him in a job that he has not yet left. But Joe Paterno's Penn State team rallied from 21 points down today to hand the iconic coach his 400th career win.

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Contrary to popular belief, JoePa is not an undead creature who feasts on brains, nor was he the original coach when Penn State football began in 1887. He started a few years after that. It was actually 1966, for those of you who believe in "accuracy" and stuff.

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And Paterno was his usual understated, team-centric self when asked about the victory by ESPN. "I was just delighted to see us come back," he said. His first answer when asked what motivated him? "Getting paid."

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So congratulations for JoePa on reaching a mark that no other major college coach has ever reached.

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And to those in State College, Pa.: Sleep with your doors locked, and keep an eye out for a diminutive old man moaning "BRAAAINS." Just in case.

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