The Mississippi Rebels football team is bad at sports. Coach Houston Nutt is the first Ole Miss coach to ever lose nine SEC games in a row. It's no surprise that Nutt, a man of hope and metaphors, feels "there's a light at the end of the tunnel. There's not a train coming" as his 2-4 team readies to play the No. 9 Arkansas Razorbacks.
But if it's not a train, what could it be?
In association with Spencer Hall, a list of possibilities:
- Bobby Petrino's right eye is watching game film, but his glowing left eye always peers through the darkness at his upcoming victim.
- Holographic Patrick Willis, who leads the Rebels in tackles for loss.
- A Hardee's. (Houston Nutt is just driving around with his headlights off, and is approaching the interstate on a country road.)
- Nick Saban's right eye is watching game film, but his glowing left eye always peers through the darkness at his most recent victim, just to ensure it's still dead. This is why Nick Saban is even scarier than Bobby Petrino.
- Turner Gill, who's wandering around with a headlamp on.
- Dylan Favre's signal flare. Juuust in case anybody's looking for him.
- A train that is absolutely coming. Houston Nutt has been wrong before.
- Lou Holtz looking for a phonograph he dropped in a sewer.
- A helpful angel hovering above an FCS quarterback in need of legal assistance.
- Something from True Blood.
- Jevan Snead with a flashlight, looking for his NFL Draft invite.
- Mississippi State's entire Christmas display.
- Brandon Bolden is lighting the tunnel on fire in hopes of being suspended again.