Terrelle Pryor Responds To Allegations Against Jim Tressel, Is Now 'Closer 2 God'

As he is wont to do when the Buckeyes are in hot water, Terrelle Pryor took to Twitter Tuesday morning to bolster the spirits of Buckeye nation. Let's parse this uplifting cry into the ether, shall we?

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• Are we sure he's even talking about the allegations against Jim Tressel? Could the team have just run a few too many stadium steps in the predawn hours? College kids like their sleep. Also, the more stairs you climb, the closer you are, physically, to the Western Judeo-Christian concept of God, so Pryor may be onto something here if he's just talking about conditioning drills.

• If Pryor is, in fact, talking about the allegations, please enjoy the characterization of being caught swapping material goods for discount tattoos as "adversity."

• Wait. Didn't Terrelle Pryor famously tweet that he paid for his tattoos, then also-famously delete that Tweet? How long will this message remain on his account? If it disappears, will we have to start busting out our old copies of Allegory of the Cave to explain the adherence of a fanbase to the absence of three sentences on their cell phones?

• God could not be reached for comment, but we wonder what He thinks of substituting numbers for words in conversation. Does God text? He probably has an iPhone, right?

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