Breathless readers, can you believe it's been just three scant months since Harvey Updyke's arrest for the Great Auburn Tree-Poisonings? Since "Al from Dadeville" went and got himself arrested, he's been attacked by face-scratching phantoms at a Lee County gas station and told his sob story on Finebaum (complete with a virtual confession of wrongdoing) to a largely disbelieving audience, and now we've finally got some real live legal action to discuss in the form of the long-awaited indictment. The grand jury has spoken, and the charges against Updyke are as follows:
According to court documents, the grand jury indicted Harvey Updyke Jr. on two counts of first-degree criminal mischief, a felony charge; two counts of desecrating a venerated object, a misdemeanor charge; and two counts of unlawful damage, vandalism or theft of property from a farm animal or crop facility, a felony charge.
"Desecrating a venerated object" sounds like something that'll be a lot of fun to argue in court, no? Updyke's arraignment is scheduled for May 26, with a projected trial start date of June 20. Warm-up summer tailgate, anyone? We hear Opelika is lovely this time of year.