The particulars of Oregon linebacker Kiko Alonso's arrest weren't initially available from the university, and boy howdy, were we all missing out on some good clean family fun. Via Oregon Live, read how the suspension-happy Duck celebrated the defense's performance in the spring game: By breaking into a woman's house and getting his solo snuggle on!
Trapp said the woman told officers she did not know the man, nor could think of any reason why he would want to enter the house. Trapp said she told officers that she fled after thinking he had successfully broken in.
Responding officers [...] found Alonso inside lying on a bed. Trapp said the arrest report indicates Alonso initially was "noncompliant" with officers, appeared "disoriented and confused," but eventually was taken into custody "without incident." [...] Trapp said Alonso, 20, was not tested to see if he was under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
Well, of course not, because why would they want to do that? Little guy was just sleepy! Did they check and see if the lady whose house he broke into had a waterbed? Are waterbeds still a thing? If she had her bedroom curtains open and Alonso saw it from the street, he might not have known what it was. He might have been investigating. Do kids these days know about waterbeds?