We don't know Chris Hawkins' face, and could not pick it out of a lineup. However, we suspect this is not him because we have cameras and data sets and special scanners that allow us to enhance and detect when things are fake. We have laboratories and impressive technologies with beeping lights. We have attractive lab techs with whom we have sexy banter and simmering unspoken passions. It's like CSI, but with blogging and without William Petersen's chinstrap beard.
Also, this is totally Dave Chappelle as Tyrone Biggums, and not a former player on the UNC football team.
As Card Chronicle points out, if you are interested in an exciting job in internetting, there might be an opening at NBC now. We hope this doesn't make Dave mad, because in related news, it now looks like he could choke out a llama with ease.