BREAKING NEWS: A quarterback for the South Carolina Gamecocks was involved in a scooter accident over the weekend. UPDATE: his name is not Stephen Garcia. We are sorry for not telling you to sit down, because now you have fallen and possibly broken your tailbone, and that can be very painful. Apologies.â†µ
YET MORE BREAKING NEWS: the quarterback in question, Andrew Clifford, is fine, but will miss three weeks due to injuries he sustained in a scooter crash where he was not wearing a helmet, and was knocked unconscious in the accident. NO REALLY THIS IS THE LAST PART AND THE BEST PART: Clifford crashed for unknown reasons, but common sense would suggest that the ENTIRE PIZZA he was carrying at the time might have had something to do with it.
No word on the status of the pizza, though it is assumed to be both delicious and slightly jostled.â†µ