The Longhorn Network, Available Nowhere Immediately

Okay, to be fair to the Longhorn Network and ESPN, the Longhorn Network doesn't launch until August 26th, and there's probably lots of machinery spinning behind the scenes. Studio space is being rented. Sponsors are being wooed. ESPN employees are moving to Austin, a place they will never leave once they compare to icy, forlorn Bristol, Connecticut.

On that note, that big glowing thing in the sky, displaced ESPNers now living in Austin? It's the sun. Those odd holes in the buildings with people coming in and out? Those are bars and restaurants, and they are filled with attractive young people. You have those now because you live in Austin. Enjoy the queso, and come to terms with never leaving the city again. We are here to help.

Still, with that said, It is very amusing to note the available cable providers for the Longhorn Network as of August 4th, 2011 according to their website are [mumble mumble mumble] and [hrmph mrph whisper cough marmble].

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