Certainly the day's most important football news waits for you in Fort Thomas, Kentucky. A pizza eating contest is one thing for a man to undertake. A pizza contest where a mere mortal attempts to tackle (football puns!) a head-to-head matchup with Jared Lorenzen, the Hefty Lefty himself, the only SEC starting quarterback to ever start a game while weighing over 3000 pounds?* This is how a man heads toward certain death and doesn't even know he's doomed.â†µ
*There may one too many zeroes here. Or not. We haven't seen Lorenzen lately.