Mike Leach, expert college football coach and ranker of things, remains the best. When asked about which Pac-12 mascots would win a death match, he doesn't just say, "my team's." He says, "Let's go through this a little bit," and produces a final four:
Jim Moore: In a battle to the death among Pac-12 mascots, which animal or person wins?
Mike Leach: The Cougar absolutely. Let's go through this a little bit. A Cougar obviously kills a Duck and a Beaver. A Cougar against a Husky ... that's pretty well a massacre. A Cardinal or whatever: I don't know exactly what -- a Cougar would either climb it or I wouldn't want to think of what else he'd do on it. Now Golden Bears could be kinda tough. I think you'd want to be a little fast and loose with them. You don't want to get caught by that bear. The Ute ... you gotta dodge some arrowheads, but I still like the Cougar. Buffalo ... I think the Buffalo would be pretty tough to beat. Wildcat: Cougars are bigger than Wildcats. Sun Devils, that's mythical anyway. Trojans, they may be as well. I think you gotta look out for the Bruins and the Buffalo. The Golden Bear, Bruin and Buffalo .. I think those are the tough ones.
Moore: Why the Buffalo?
Leach: Do you want to fight a buffalo? I don't know, those buffalo are big. You know, buffalo are significantly bigger than elk. I grew up near Yellowstone, so I've been near buffalo. buffalo are huge. And then the other thing I've always gotten a kick out of: When you play Colorado, there's those buffalo dragging those six handlers around. Those handlers aren't dragging the buffalo. The buffalo's dragging him.
Ralphie's not even a big buffalo. Ralphie pulls those people wherever he wants to.