Maryland Keeps Reaching For The Stars

The Maryland Terrapins have had a rough few years. Their players have been transferring en masse away from the school, they've drawn hatred for their flag-themed uniforms and they've chosen to transform their home field into a swirling nightmare maelstrom. But they're keeping their positive attitude with a big purchase! Comfort spending always makes me feel better too, Maryland.

Alex Prewitt of the Washington Post reports that Maryland has installed new hydraulic goalposts, which will be difficult to tear down after football victories. At last count, I believe the Terps are down to a third-string safety and a bucket that once belonged to Jake Locker. Installing victory-proof goalposts for the 2012 Maryland team is like ... well ...

Here are some additions that would be on par with this move:

- Installing 10,000 extra seats at Yankee Stadium specifically for Yankees fans with humility

- Building a massive, million-dollar structure at Coliseum that lights up and spins around and sets off fireworks every time the Oakland Raiders complete a set of downs without a penalty

- Expanding the Vancouver Canucks stadium so they can add a room to display the Stanley Cup

- The Miami Heat buying a million Cadillacs and saying they're for all the fans who were around before 2006

- The North Carolina Tar Heels budgeting for a football team

For all news and information regarding the Maryland Terrapins, please visit Tetsudo Times. For all things NCAA football, head on over to Every Day Should Be Saturday or stay tuned to SB Nation's dedicated college football hub.

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