SB Nation - Tariq Tongue

Name of the Week: Indiana Edition

Rodger Sherman — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 21:03:49 -0000

Northwestern might not be winning football games, but the Name of the Week isn't depressing, so there's that!

Congrats to Matt Stankiewitch for surprisingly running away with the Penn State name of the week poll over Tariq Tongue and Stephen Obeng-Agyapong. I appreciate his continued stankiness in the face of everybody wanting him to stop being so stanky.

On to the next one: I'm really not pleased with Indiana's name class. They have a lot of players who fit the "hey, my first name isn't a real name!" style of naming, but after a certain amount of time I've become disillusioned with this. Unless your name is a true standout - Barkevious, for example - you may or may not be more than honorable mention worthy.

In sad news, last year's winner Marlandez Harris announced he left the team a few weeks ago. Frowny face for Marlandez, you will always be remembered.

This week's honorable mentions include sophomore offensive tackle and former silent film star Charlie Chapman - just go by Charles or Chuck and save the jokes about a minor celebrity from the 1920's, dude - freshman wide receiver Jordan Jackson - I PERFORM LIKE MIKE, ANYONE, TYSON, JORDAN JACKSON, or alternately "I'm liable to go Michael, take your pick Tyson, Jackson, Jordan, game six" - freshman defensive back Landau Lang, freshman defensive lineman Adarius Rayner, not THE Darius, just A Darius - freshman safety Shaquille Jefferson, freshman safety Forisse Hardin, cornerback Peter St. Fort, who is notable for abbreviating the "Saint" in his last name, but not the "Fort", and whose name could very reasonably be a Catholic military establishment called Fort St. Peter, senior cornerback Lenyatta Kiles, freshman wide receiver Kofi Hughes, whose first name and last name are completely mismatched, and sophomore wide receiver Duwyce Wilson.

Daaaamn that was a mouthful! But as I said, mediocrity reigns. Jump it.

No. 8, Dusty Kiel: Yes, the older brother of Gunner, from a family with terrible wishes for the names of their children. For the record, his birth name is Dustin, but in hopes of sounding more like an old Western gunslinger or female country artist, he goes by Dusty. Dusty isn't a completely uncommon name, unlike the slighted Leneil, Lenyatta, and Duwyce, but to this day I've never understood why anybody would want to be associated with being unclean due to irrelevance.

Dusty has seen some time at QB, starting two games and nearly leading a comeback throwing two picks against North Texas - operative word, nearly - but has been replaced by Tre Roberson after a 6-of-19 performance culminating in an injured ankle against Illinois.

No. 47, Chase Hoobler: Hoobler!

Chase redshirted last year, but has Hoobled his way into a spot at the strong side linebacker spot, where he has 26 tackles, a TFL, and a forced fumble. He's been the starter all season long, but has been replaced by a third safety in the starting lineup three times.

No. 87, Leneil Himes: The idea of tagging "Le/Ja/La/De/Da" onto regular names is a time-honored one, seen in your Leseans, Lamarcuses, LaRons, and so on. However, never before has this been done to "Neil", the official name of your 38-year old IT guy. Have you ever met a four-year-old named Neil? Or Todd? They don't exist. Also, don't sleep on "Himes", because I kept typing it as "Hines".

Leneil's a redshirt freshman who has yet to play at fullback.

No. 84, Jamonne Chester: Jamaicans say his first name to each other and his last name is a first name.

Jamonne is a sophomore wide receiver who has contributed in the passing game, leading the team in receiving in his first start against North Texas with eight catches for 92 yards. Although he got yet to break into the end zone yet on the year.

No. 88, Damarlo Belcher: His first name is Damarlo and his last name is Belcher.

Damarlo is and has been for some time the Hoosiers' best wide receiver, a legitimate all-conference player - Phil Steele had him there this year. You might remember Belcher from his 11 receptions against NU last year, but if not, well, he's Damarlo Belcher and you'll see him scoring a touchdown Saturday probably.

Poll

names.

Dusty Kiel

7 votes

Chase Hoobler

28 votes

Leneil Hines

4 votes

Jamonne Chester

5 votes

Damarlo Belcher

29 votes

73 votes | Poll has closed

Name of the Week: Penn State Edition

Rodger Sherman — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 17:06:20 -0000

Penn State loses some serious name depth, but, well, I think we'll survive. Trust me.

First off, congrats go to Marvin McNutt for manhandling the Iowa Name of the Week poll, earning 58 of 115 votes, or slightly over half. That's his second title in as many years - way to go out on top, McNutt.

In other news, for the second time, we have a name to hang in the rafters: last year, as a sophomore, Christian Kuntz won the Name of the Year poll, ekeing out a 32-27 victory over Nubian Peak. As such, the wide receiver's time destroying the Name of the Week poll is done: we will honor him and never forget. The most pious of ladyparts, he will be missed.

Penn State's runners up are Wally Szczerbiak wannabe Andrew Szczerba, sophomore linebacker Brad Bars - this is a spectacular rap name - and junior wide out Brian Friend, who is just a flat out good guy,

No. 50, Deon'tae Pannell: I'm not really sold on this as a good name. The only thing doing it for me is the random apostrophe. There's a lot of Deonte's out there - for example, NU player Deonte Gibson - and Pannell is only a so-so last name. But he's a senior and I let him in.

Deon'tae is the team's starting right guard. I'm bored.

No. 7, Stephen Obeng-Agyapong: I don't like highlighting foreign names just because they're foreign, but, well, Obeng-Agyapong.

SOA is a junior backup at Penn State's "hero" position, which is what they call strong safeties. Unlike NU's superback, hero has been around for quite some time, but I still like imagining that it is named after Enrique Iglesias or Chad Kroeger.

No. 72, Khamrone Kolb: First off, is he Kevin's brother? Second off, I want him to release albums under the name Kham'rone.

Killa Kham is a redshirt freshman offensive guard who doesn't crack PSU's three-deep, but did see playing time against EMU.

No. 54, Matt Stankiewitch: DO THE STANKY WITCH, DO THE STANKY WITCH. It's one thing to be "stinky". That just means you smell. But stanky is a word owned by OutKast and other funky people to refer to being smelly and also cool, I guess. Look, my point is, I can think of nobody who was made fun of more in grade school than a guy whose name is "Stankiewitch", because kids don't like things that are stinky or witches and will make fun of both.

Stanky is a senior who starts at center for the Nittany Lions.

No. 27, Tariq Tongue: Yup. There's not many good ways you can go with the last name "Tongue", and Tariq is one of the best.

Tariq is a junior wide receiver who played in his first game against EMU, but didn't record any receptions.

Poll

Name of the Week?

DeOn'tae Pannell

7 votes

Stephen Obeng-Agyapong

15 votes

Khamrone Kolb

9 votes

Matt Stankiewitch

47 votes

Tariq Tongue

28 votes

106 votes | Poll has closed

Penn State Football Raises Big Money At Lift For Life

Adam Bittner — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 20:50:26 -0000

There was a lot of football talk at Holuba Hall Friday afternoon as the Penn State football team participated in the ninth annual Lift For Life event. The fundraiser itself, though, was a big success yet again as the group raised nearly $95,000 for the Kidney Cancer Association.

The 2011 total of money raised stood at $94,410.09 this morning and Eric Shrive ($25,020) and Mike Farrell ($10,880) were the top fundraisers according to a press release. Fans can continue to donate over at Penn State's Uplifting Athlete's donation page.

The team of Derek Day, Brian Irwin, Evan Lewis and Pat Zerbe won the team portion of the event. Kyle Baublitz, Emery Etter, Shane McGregor and Jon Rohrbaugh finished second and Jake Fagnano, J.D. Mason, Tariq Tongue, and Jamie finished third.

Since 2003, the Lift for Life event and the Penn State chapter of Uplifting Athletes have now raised nearly $600,000 total.

Hear Shrive talk about this year's event in the video below.

Eric Shrive Lift For Life 7.8.11 (via BlackShoeDiaries)

2011 Sippin' on Purple Awards: Name of the Year, Preliminary Round

Rodger Sherman — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 13:00:48 -0000

TIS TIME.

For those of you who are new to the site: every week during football season, I rip off Name of the Year (who sadly, hasn't completed their brackets yet) by finding the best names on teams Northwestern is playing against, as for some reason, college football is particularly ripe for interesting naming conventions. I select up to six players from each team, describe their merits or lack thereof, and put them before the committee - you, the people - to see which one is the name of the week. It's a time-honored tradition, which means I did it last year.

Of the 13 teams NU played against, 52 names passed before the fold, and 13 emerged victorious.

But now that we've come to the end of the road, like Boyz II Men, we have a problem: what to do? Do we honor these men individually as patron saints of their individual weeks? Or do we put them in a DEATHMATCH. Obviously, the answer is deathmatch.

However, it would be unfair to just go in a one-on-one-on-one times 13 free-for-all, having already separated the wheat from the chaff, I feel we need to now separate the wheat from the chaffier wheat. Thus, the first round will eliminate eight of the 13 contestants, leaving us with the top five, who will face off later. (Also, this allows me another post!)

After the jump, you'll find the 13 names, with their original descriptions, then, I'll add a little extra commentary, because clearly you need it. The poll is also after the jump.

Gentlemen, choose wisely, and may your picks advance. For the sake of 2010 winner Whitney Mercilus - who didn't even advance to win Illinois' name of the week this year - choose the best man.

Week One, Vanderbilt Name of the Week: No. 70 Justin Cabbagestalk, C

At the time: "I'm genuinely surprised that "Cabbagestalk" is a real last name for a person and not like a troll or something. First of all, cabbages have stalks? Aren't they just like lettuce? Don't they just kinda grow out of the ground and just be there? Do cabbages really have stalks? Can you climb up them and reach a magical land inhabited by huge giants? The world will never know. Actually, I'm pretty sure many farmers do know, but I for one don't care. Anyway, Cabbagestalk is a pretty sweet compound word to have as your name, unless you don't like when bloggers mention that your name that sounds like a mythical, magical woodland creature from a Harry Potter book. If only his first name was something else magical, like (his opponent at the time, Vandy WR Udom Udoh). Udom Cabbagestalk would be a winner."

In retrospect: Vandy had a weak name stalk... errr... stock, so, hobbit or not, Cabbagestalk didn't have much trouble ousting Adam Smotherman 50-38. Cabbages, it turns out, per the Wikipedia, do have stalks.

On the field: Sadly, Cabbagestalk suffered a serious career-ending injury that prevented him from ever seeing the field in a Vandy uniform. No jokes, folks.

Week Two, Illinois State Name of the Week: No. 53, Xzavier Stewart, DT

At the time: Look, it's easy for me. You name your kid "Xzavier", they're getting in the Name of the Week. Depending on your viewpoint, Xzavier is even better than last year's Xzavian Brandon from Minnesota. It's worse because Xzavian is slightly crazier, but better because there is a high probability that Xavier is already a pretty cool name as is: it starts with an X, and Xavier McDaniel was named that, and everybody called him "the X-Man". (Xavier Nady - less cool.) And then, they took that already good name, and said, "hey, how can I make this name more like the name of famed rapper Xzibit", and then they did exactly that thing. So, that's how they got Xzavier. P.S. Xzibit if you're reading this, I'm your biggest fan. (The odds Xzibit is reading this are almost negligible.)

In retrospect: (X) REARRANGE THE WHOLE GAME WITH MY RUGGED SOUND (X) WON'T EVEN SPEAK YA OWN NAME WHEN I COME AROUND. There was almost no competition from his teammates, but I don't think we should judge him for that. Xzibit based his whole rap career around the fact that his rap name started with "X to the Z", a fact he chose himself. Xzavier didn't choose his own name, it shouldn't lessen his ability to base his whole name career around this.

On the field: Name of the week honors was arguably the highlight of Stewart's 2010 campaign. He registered the Cardinal's only sack against the Cats, but just two weeks after playing NU, he was dismissed from Illinois State for "conduct detrimental" to said team. "I was tired of him rearranging the whole game with his rugged sound," coach Brock Spack didn't say at the time. "Although I'm typically in the habit of speaking my own name - BROCK SPACK, BROCK SPACK, BROCK SPACK - I found myself unable to do so when Xzavier came around."

Week Three, Rice Name of the Week, No. 8, Brent Hotard, TE

At the time: Not an upper-tier name, but his last name is a combination of two things that 9th graders use as insults, if it is indeed pronounced "ho-tard." If it's pronounced "hot-erd", well, we're screwed. On the other hand, if by some stroke of majesty, it's pronounced "hot-turd", well, we have ourselves a winner. (File this under "paragraphs that will not help me get a job in journalism later in life".)

In retrospect: This week sucked.

On the field: Hotard's only receptions on the year came against Baylor. So, no biggie.

Week Four, Central Michigan Name of the Week, No. 34, Zurlon Tipton, RB

At the time: I can't decide if Zurlon Tipton is either a evil alien from a mid-80's Star Trek ripoff movie or a lesser figure in early Mormon history. Sadly, I'm not an expert in Mormon history, and happily, I'm not a huge nerd and a loser so I've never seen any of the Star Trek movies (sorry to any of my nerd/loser readers.)

In retrospect: The fact that I did not consider him being a Mormon Star Trek alien - something which could be plausible, knowing how little both Star Trek and, uh, Mormonism, you know, make sense, sorry Mormons and Star Trek fans - is disappointing. Zurlon truly deserved his runaway 68-44 victory over Valtorrey Showers.

On the field: Zurlon had a rush and a reception for a combined four yards against NU, however, he would later break out against Navy, putting up 62 yards and two touchdowns in a 38-37 loss.

Week Five, Minnesota Name of the Week, No. 29, Shady Salamon, S

At the time: This is a ridiculously good name, and it's not even my pick for the week. (that was Jewhan Edwards.) First off, the guys first name is "Shady". Shady. That's his government name, as far as I can tell. Shady, like, when there's, like, trees over you, or when you're skeezy and people don't trust you. And Salamon sounds like Solomon, which is a first name old timey people had. Therefore, when you combine "Shady" and "Salamon", you get a name that sounds like it belongs to, like, a Mormon drug dealer or a wild west brothel owner. And that's awesome.

In retrospect: Can't believe I didn't mention Em's "I'M SHADYYYYYYYY". This wasn't really close. Shady has a fantastic name, and earned 75 of 131 votes to run away with the W. I guess a bunch of you are clients at his wild west brothel and he's blackmailing you to vote for him. Noteworthy: for the second straight week, my description mentioned Mormons. Reminder: mention Mormons more. Salamon is one of two incumbents in this year's poll.

On the field: Shady played a lot of special teams, but didn't record any stats. He was Big Ten All-Academic, though, so, congrats.

Week Six, Purdue Name of the Week, No. 51, Kakpindi Jamiru, LB

At the time: It's well noted that I'm not a fan of making fun of foreign-sounding names because they're foreign. But homie's name is "Kakpindi." Kakpindi. I don't need to spell this out, do I? Sadly, it's actually pronounced "Kah-pin-dee" according to the athletic site, but, KAKPINDI.

In retrospect: I'm a little bit disappointed Kakpindi eked out the victory over Normando Harris. I mean, Normando. But, alas, Kakpindi ain't bad neither. ~~I guess you guys just love the Kak~~ not funny.

On the field: Kak registered a single tackle. One.

Week Seven, Michigan State Name of the Week, No. 31 Darqueze Dennard, CB

At the time: This name's a doozy. The key, obviously, is the alliteration between Darqueze and Dennard. The other key is the fact that his first name is Darqueze, which, presumably is pronounced "Dar-keeze", which is awesome.

In retrospect: You people are fools for picking Darqueze over Denzel Drone and TyQuan Hammock. FOOLS.You could say that you made the Darqueasy pick, though, and you wouldn't be wrong.

On the field: Double D earned his second career start - replacing the imprisoned Chris L. Rucker - at Northwestern and recorded a sack, continuing in the tradition of inspired NoTW winners going beast mode against the Cats.

Week Eight, Indiana Name of the Week, No. 52, Marlandez Harris, DL

At the time: Bro, here's where the names get great. Marlandez? Marlandez! I see the roots of some actual names in here: Marlon, Orlando... um... Hernandez, which is a last name, but, still. But Marlandez? It's an awesome mashup of four names that don't really belong together. All I can picture is Marlon Brando in the Godfather speaking in a thick Hispanic accent.

In retrospect: I was surprised - though not fully disappointed - by Marlandez's W over incumbent Damarlo Belcher. Normally, you go for belching stuff, but here you went for the high-end nonsense. Congrats.

On the field: Marley Marl redshirted his freshman year, so, yeah.

Week Nine, Penn State Name of the Week, No. 34, Christian Kuntz, WR

At the time: Look, people, this is a family site. I don't put words that will startle the children in most of my posts, unless I'm quoting someone. So I'm not going to go into the precise details of why someone's last name being Kuntz is tremendously unfortunate for that human being. But I think you all understand why.

Now, think about how humorous it is to have a name like Kuntz. Think about how much more humorous it is that Kuntz's first name denotes the Christianity of said Kuntz. Ahh yes, Christian Kuntz. The most pious Kuntz in all the land. (mark this post down under "posts that will probably come back to haunt me some day later.") Anyway, we're talking about multiple Kuntz, and talking about how much they revere Jesus. This is what your name is. I mean, it's a step up from Rusty, but it's a baby step.

In retrospect: Kuntz deserved his second straight Penn State honoree, and, quite frankly, could be a four-time- or maybe five-time - winner by the time he graduates. He actually was pretty close in fending off Tariq Tongue - of the Tongue-Kuntz WR tandem - winning 48-34.The allure of pious genitalia is that strong.

On the field: Kuntz has always suffered from knee problems, and didn't see the field in 2010.

Week 10, Iowa Name of the Week, No. 7, Marvin McNutt, WR

At the time: Heh. McNutt.

In retrospect: The people love McNutt. Marvin busted the widest margin of victory in poll history, earning 106 of 168 votes, and I can't blame you. McNutt is worthy.

On the field: Y'all know McNutt, who led the Hawkeyes in receptions and yards.

Week 11, Illinois Name of the Week, No. 20, Fritz Rock, WR

At the time: Never fight a man named Fritz Rock. He is the strongest person on the earth, a descendant of David Hasselhoff, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Attilla the Hun. His muscles have their own muscles. He will kill you and make you listen to Rammstein and the song "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by German band Scorpions while you are dead. Then he will kill you again.

In retrospect: The fact that I am still alive and have not yet been murdered by Fritz Rock scares me. I am so impressed of him for fending off 2010 champion Whitney Mercilus, who is MERCILESS, but Fritz Rock considers Mercilus to be downright merciful.

On the field: Fritz didn't play in 2010 and switched over from safety to WR in the offseason.

Week 12, Wisconsin Name of the Week: No. 28, Coddye Ring-Noonan, LB

I didn't do a name of the week for Wisconsin, but if I had, I assume you would've gone with CRN.

Bowl Week, Texas Tech Name of the Week, No. 36, Nubian Peak, CB

At the time: This is one of the best names I've ever come across, in my opinion. Nubia, of course, is the region along the Nile river in Northern Sudan that used to trade with Egypt and whatnot in ancient times. A person from Nubia is a Nubian. The region is best known it is best known for 1980's hip-hop group Brand Nubian, who were not from Nubia. (The region is also best known because the area was known to the Greeks by the name "Kush", which is now something people call certain types of weed.) Nubian Peak's name, amazingly, therefore, refers to a mountain in Africa. Most likely, his name could be interpreted as referring to a mountain in the Nuba range in Central Sudan. It could also refer to a fat, tall, African dude. Sadly, Nubian himself is 5-foot-11 and from Virginia, so, he himself is not a Nubian Peak, you know, even though, like, HIS NAME IS NUBIAN PEAK.

In retrospect: Pardon me, but, this is the pinnacle, or, as some might say, the peak, of all names, let alone Nubian ones. Pure awesome. Although I still have a soft spot for Texas Tech's Cqulin Hubert - CAH-QUELIN! - Nubian deserved the W.

On the field: Nubian transfered from Virginia Tech and still has yet to play for the Red Raiders, as he has some academic issues.

So, there you go. Vote.

Poll

NAME OF THE YEAR PRELIMINARIES CAN YOU FEEL THE EXCITEMENT

Justin Cabbagestalk

20 votes

Xzavier Stewart

1 votes

Brent Hotard

3 votes

Zurlon Tipton

3 votes

Shady Salamon

8 votes

Kakpindi Jamiru

4 votes

Darqueze Dennard

4 votes

Marlandez Harris

0 votes

Christian Kuntz

15 votes

Marvin McNutt

8 votes

Fritz Rock

2 votes

Coddye Ring-Noonan

4 votes

Nubian Peak

22 votes

94 votes | Poll has closed

Name of the Week, Penn State edition

Rodger Sherman — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 21:51:57 -0000

Penn State was by far the best name class last year. Hands down. I think you'll see why.

Anyway, for the second straight week, congrats to a tight victor in Darqueze Dennard, who DarSqueezed out a 35-33 victory over TyQuan Hammock with Deonte Mack finishing a distant third with 28 votes. Bummer.

Alright, talk about depth here: runners-up include freshman cornerback Stephen Obeng-Agyapong, freshman offensive lineman Khamrone Kolb - Kevin's brother, presumably - freshman defensive end Kyle Baublitz, junior guard De'Ontae Pannell, senior tight end Andrew Szczerba. THESE ARE THE RUNNERS UP.

I thought we were going to be able to for the first time repeat all five names, but, sadly, junior Knowledge Timmons was excused from the team by JoePa. KNOOOOOWLEEEEDGGEEEEEEEEE!!!!! (Damn, it must be cool being named Knowledge.)

#5, Graham Zug: I'll probably get some disagreement on this name, but I can't overlook anybody named Zug. Rise before Zug... now KNEEL BEFORE ZUG.

KNEEL BEFORE ZUG!

Graham is a senior wide receiver, he's sixth on the team with seven receptions, but hauled in three catches and a touchdown last week against Michigan.

#85, Ollie Ogbu: Ollie's got some good alliteration going on with that o sound at the beginning of both names. Rolls off the tongue. This one is a throwback to Towson's Tamba Tongu.

Ogbu hasn't been injured all year for the Nittany Lions, so, he has some of the best stats on the team. He's a starting defensive tackle, now a senior, from Staten Island (Wu!) and has 5.5 tackles for loss on the year.

#54, Matt Stankiewitch: Stankonia. Stanky leg. Stankeiwitch. All great innovations on a word that means "this smells, but I'd like to be slightly cooler in the way that I state that it smells than just saying "it stinks."" I picture a really, really bad sandwich, or a witch that gets all the latest dance trends.

Stankyleg has played some backup left guard in his time, and is now a sophomore.

#21, Tariq Tongue: Here's where the great Nittany Lion names begin. Tariq Tongue has a lot going for it, and he's probably a winner most weeks. I mean, you've got the alliteration, the Arabic first name contrasted with the English last name, and the fact that said last name is one of the top five silliest organs in the human body, as in, the one you use for licking things. Heh. Licking. You've got a q without a u after it, and like Ollie Ogbu, it just rolls off the tongue.

Tariq is a redshirt freshman wide receiver. He has yet to play a down for the Lions. Like Ollie Ogbu, and me, he is from the concrete jungle where dreams are made of.

and the incumbent and my pick for name of the week...

#34, Christian Kuntz: Look, people, this is a family site. I don't put words that will startle the children in most of my posts, unless I'm quoting someone. So I'm not going to go into the precise details of why someone's last name being Kuntz is tremendously unfortunate for that human being. But I think you all understand why.

Christian... Kuntz is a redshirt freshman wide receiver. He has yet to play a snap, but considering they will both graduate in the same class, it is not unlikely to imagine that in four years, Kuntz and Tariq Tongue will both play wide receiver in the same tandem. Yes, Kuntz and Tongue will finally be united, after years of waiting. What. Make your own jokes, I won't do it for you.

Vote. Vote like the wind.

Poll

Name of the week?

Graham Zug

17 votes

Ollie Ogbu

24 votes

Matt Stankiewitch

25 votes

Tariq Tongue

34 votes

Christian Kuntz

48 votes

148 votes | Poll has closed