The Record of Wrongs: Alabama Crimson Tide

Joel — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 11:25:39 -0000

Hear ye, hear ye. It's Time. Time for Tennessee Volunteer fans to gather for the ceremonial reading of the Record of Wrongs, a litany of the offenses committed by the Alabama Crimson Tide.

October 25, 2008: Alabama 29, Tennessee 9. The Tide subjected us to yet another humbling defeat in a season filled with them, all while the JumboTron constantly reminded us just how far we'd fallen. Nick Stephens had the longest rush of the day. All in all, it was a swift kick in the secrets and prompted this:
October 20, 2007: Alabama 41, Tennessee 17. AKA the D.J. Hall game, this one was overflowing with more than a few of my not favorite things, including a zero percent success rate for the offense in the second half. Montariro Hardesty called in frustrated on Sunday. Oh, and the Tide called an onside kick to begin the game. Boo! They even overran the RTT ad space:

Alabama fans have no appreciation for stats.

Someone in the state gives Paul Finebaum money to talk stupid.

It's the only university in the nation where giving athletes textbooks is a crime against society.

CHEATERS!!!11!!

The NCAA Committee on Infractions called the University of Alabama a "serial repeat violator" with an "abysmal infractions track record" and an "extensive recent history of infractions cases unmatched by any other member institution in the NCAA," in responding to the school's textbook appeal, according to documents released today.

The infuriating post-win Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer:

October 22, 2005: Two fumbles inside the ten and a muffed punt at midfield cost the No. 17 Vols a 6-3 loss to No. 5 Alabama. Roman Harper won the game for the Tide by causing UT fullback Cory Anderson to fumble the ball out of the back of the end zone as the Vols were driving for what would have been either team's only touchdown.

They are an exceedingly litigious lot. Phillip Fulmer had to phone it in at SEC Media Days in 2004 on the advice of his attorneys and in 2008, somebody literally threw a subpoena at him upon his arrival.

The Courtship of Albert Means.

Probably not true

Houndstooth is made not of canine incisors or even fabric, but the bones and brains of baby bunnies.
In the 1990s, Alabama boosters voted to divert millions of dollars from the football program to fund the cryogenic preservation of the remains of Bear Bryant. Being Alabama, they used dry ice and a large styrofoam cooler with results that were ~~horrically~~ horrifically gruesome even by 'Bama standards.
Since the day he was let go, Mike Shula has received hourly death threats in crimson-colored envelopes against him, his family, his pets, and his lawn.

That's all I've got for now. The floor is open.

SB Nation - D.J. Hall

The Record of Wrongs: Alabama Crimson Tide

Probably not true