Super Bowl XLV Stripper Shortage In Dallas: You Know The Solution, And So Do We

Dallas expects to have 300,000 visitors for the Super Bowl, and many of those visitors will be looking for the same things: tickets, shelter, food, and that Super Bowl staple of staples, strippers. Armies of strippers will be required, because in the war against pre- and post-Super Bowl loneliness the indigenous population of amateur shoe models simply won't be enough. They will need reinforcements in this battle, and are already seeking new recruits. 

Showtime Cabaret’s John Walsh told TMZ his establishment is looking for an additional 100 to 120 lap dancers for the big football weekend....Walsh said the 60 or so Dallas-area strip clubs will require approximately 10,000 strippers combined.

This seems so unnecessary. 

61633_super_bowl_football_medium

Jerry Jones can get the solution to DFW's paucity of pole-dancers on the phone in minutes. And oh, they'll do it. They'll do it for free, because the Stripper Whisperer's words flow like sweet honey into the ears of our nation's dancers. Have him climb atop the Jerry Dome in his ceremonial 18-button suit and blow the call to assemble on his magical conch shell; they will hear the song, and know the time to rally to their master has arrived. And oh, how they will love him. 

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.