| |
**Online Host**
Welcome to Football Guys Chat!
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: and the winner of the contest is
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: /opens envelope
"Dear Roger Goodell, I am LeBron James and I was wondering if"
sorry wrong letter
/crumples up paper, throws over shoulder
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: /pulls envelope out of suit pocket
/opens
"Dear Roger Goodell, I am David Stern, give me all your money or I will lockout you"
oh for the love of
/crumples up paper, throws over shoulder
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: okay well anyway, the winner of our contest is...
Guy on the Internet! Congratulations, Guy on the Internet!
|
|
|
GuyOnTheInternet: WIN! A winnar is me! Losing a contest FAIL
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: since 2002 we have poured billions of dollars into a "THIS IS NOT A JOKE, CLICK TO WIN" internet ad campaign
you are the only person to ever click it, congratulations
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: as a reward, we will allow you to act as commissioner for a day and be granted unlimited administrative authority
|
|
|
GuyOnTheInternet: "Respect My Authority" - A qoute from southpark
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: Right then. It's all yours.
|
|
|
GuyOnTheInternet: For my first act, I will start Tim Tebow in Denver. Kyle Orton is a FRAUD and CHOKE ARTIST who doesn't belong in the league
|
|
|
GuyOnTheInternet: Someone needs to tell Orton that it's the National Football League and not the No Fun League. It's pandemonium in Denver.
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: okay well, you're the boss
|
|
|
GuyOnTheInternet: If these MILLIONAIRE CRYBABIES don't want to PUT UP then they should SHUT UP
|
|
|
GuyOnTheInternet: I'm not going to PLUNK DOWN my HARD EARNED DOLLARS so that these CLOWNS can
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: ok, so far you have used the word "pandemonium" and the phrase "plunk down my hard earned dollars"
are you from like 1965
|
| |
**OnlineHost** Michael Vick has entered the chat room.
|
|
|
User183835: /roll |
| |
**OnlineHost** Michael Vick has rolled an 8.
|
|
|
User183835: /roll |
| |
**OnlineHost** Michael Vick has rolled a 3. |
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: mike
mike what are you doing
|
|
|
User183835: Rolling dice
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: what for |
|
|
User183835: Bored |
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: i see that you still have not set up your personal chat room account
you know, after registering an account you will have your own personalized screen name, as well as access to features such as--
|
|
|
User183835: F*** off
/roll
|
| |
**OnlineHost** Michael Vick has rolled a 5. |
|
|
GuyOnTheInternet: who are you |
|
|
User183835: A black guy
|
|
|
GuyOnTheInternet: are you a skill position player who is not Ronnie Lott
|
|
|
User183835: Yep |
|
|
GuyOnTheInternet: /inhales |
|
|
GuyOnTheInternet: FRAUD FRAUD FRAUD FRAUD FRAUD FRAUD THUG FRAUD PUNK FRAUD CLOWN PUNK THUG FRAUD JOKE FRAUD CLOWN PUNK FRAUD JOKE FRAUD DISGRACE CLOWN JOKE FRAUD THUG
|
|
|
GuyOnTheInternet: /catches breath
/inhales
|
|
|
GuyOnTheInternet: PUNKTHUG FRAUDDISGRACE JOKECLOWN
CLOWNFRAUD THUGJOKE
S***VERBING F***NOUN
|
|
|
User183835: /roll |
| |
**OnlineHost** Michael Vick has rolled an 11.
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: mike you might want to leave, you're upsetting our moron contest winner
|
|
|
User183835:Haha
Hey
Hey look at me
Hey look I'm a black guy in a position of leadership ooooh i'm gonna get you oogie boogie boogie
|
|
|
GuyOnTheInternet: AAAAAAAAAAHH |
| |
**OnlineHost** Hours later... |
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: okay, well, here are the orders from our commissioner-for-a-day. the following policies are to be put into action immediately:
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell:
- start Tim Tebow
- make Michael Vick live in the bottom of a well and eat stale graham crackers
|
|
|
User183835: Shrug
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell:
- make players play the game the right way
- caution players against playing the game the wrong way, lest penalties be exacted
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell:
- stop paying the CRYBABY PLAYERS millions of dollars
- stop paying the GREEDY OWNERS millions of dollars
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: So uh, I guess this means we just throw all the revenue in a giant hole and burn it
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell:
- form official committee and commission it to investigate whether or not the difference is drinkability
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell:
- someone please help poor Jim Mora down from that ceiling fan and then get scientists to return him to normal size
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: okay, see, that was a commercial
|
|
|
GuyOnTheInternet: SOMEONE HELP that POOR MAN, he's been through so much and he doesn't deserve this
he taught his players HEART and INTEGRITY and he's a Christian probably
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: very well
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: aaaaand next on the list is like 30,000 items that just say "so-called sportswriter" and "check your facts" and "liberal agenda" and "who cares?" and "how is this news?" and "i can't believe you're PAID to write this NONSENSE"
|
|
|
GuyOnTheInternet: /nods |
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: and last of all:
- everyone is to stop being sissies and faking concussions and play the game the way it's meant to be played
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: sigh. all right
these policies shall be enacted... NOW!
|
| |
**OnlineHost** Every NFL stadium has caught fire and burnt to the ground.
|
| |
**OnlineHost** Every NFL player has suffered an anvil to the head.
|
| |
**OnlineHost** Every officially-licensed NFL football has hatched into a carnivorous dinosaur.
|
| |
**OnlineHost** The government has gathered everyone who has ever had anything to do with football and shot them into space.
|
|
|
DudeYoureGettingGoodell: welp |
|
|
GuyOnTheInternet: thanks a lot, OBAMACARE
|
21 comments
Comments
THIS IS NOT AN ACURATE REPRESENTATION OF INTERNET COMMENTERS. IM SO SICK OF YOU LIBERAL “BLOGGERS” IN YOUR MOMS BASEMENTS EATING MAC N CHEESE AND THINKING YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF PERSON I AM. THIS HOLE THING IS A FRAUD AND DEMEENING AND YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!!!!
I've got these tiny hands!
-Alex Smith
by Swamp Thing on Oct 12, 2011 2:34 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
ha, clown
by Ryan Hudson on Oct 12, 2011 2:35 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Click here to win
brilliant
by ATL Lion on Oct 12, 2011 2:39 PM EDT reply actions
your dumb
________________________________
"Laugh about things, and stop wishing you won state when you were 30 years younger." -- B. Brian, Purple Y Ranch, October 2009
by Holly Anderson on Oct 12, 2011 2:41 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
lol a female
I am proud to be a Kennesaw State Fighting Owl. -- Vince Dooley
SB Nation Atlanta · Twitter
by Jason Kirk on Oct 12, 2011 2:56 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
lol
I didn’t know they allowed the internet in the kitchen
by Tom Ziller on Oct 12, 2011 5:28 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
You’re dumb.
by KronikCarebear on Oct 12, 2011 8:33 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
f1rst
Wait…damn.
SB Nation's World Soccer Editor, manager of Cartilage Free Captain, contributor to Acme Packing Company.
by Kevin McCauley on Oct 12, 2011 2:41 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Obama is a little heartbroken over the lockout? HOW ABOUT BEING HEARTBROKEN OVER THE ECONOMY???? Where are our new jobs!! THE DOGS DIDNT GET A SECOND CHANCE
by Ryan Hudson on Oct 12, 2011 2:55 PM EDT reply actions 3 recs
"author" john bois is evidently a blatant closet homer
I am proud to be a Kennesaw State Fighting Owl. -- Vince Dooley
SB Nation Atlanta · Twitter
by Jason Kirk on Oct 12, 2011 2:55 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
John Boi$...................
……………………….once again, you loose with this article………………the FANS are the SIGNING THE PAYCHECKS for these greedy players and owners…………………STILL WAITING
by Panamahuh on Oct 12, 2011 3:23 PM EDT up reply actions
who cares
by Ryan Hudson on Oct 12, 2011 3:05 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
this is terrible
the idiots over at yahoo would be jealous of this writing
Superman wears an Urlacher Jersey under his costume
by BearNecessities on Oct 12, 2011 3:34 PM EDT reply actions
you call yourself a journalist?!??
by Chris Mottram on Oct 12, 2011 3:51 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
THIS ISNT NEWS
CougCenter
by Brian Floyd on Oct 12, 2011 6:49 PM EDT up reply actions
when are the DOGS
going to get a second chance to win the commissioner for a day contest?!!!!1
by Tom Ziller on Oct 12, 2011 5:31 PM EDT reply actions
THE DOGS NEVER GOT A SECOND CHANCE
by Ryan Hudson on Oct 12, 2011 5:47 PM EDT up reply actions
Hooray
Gregg Easterbrook has been shot into space
by smk73 on Oct 12, 2011 6:04 PM EDT reply actions
PLAY THE GAME THE RIGHT WAY
THE PLAYERS SHOULD BE DRESSED AS THEIR ACTUAL TEAM NAMES NONE OF THIS LA DE DA UNIFORM NONSENSE WHEN I TURN ON DOLPHINS VS LIONS THAT SHOULD ACTUALLY BE HAPPENING ALTHOUGH RAIDERS VS BUCKANEERS MIGHT BE CONFUSING NEVERMIND
by Nick Dallamora on Oct 13, 2011 3:45 AM EDT reply actions
Don't ever change, Jon Bois
by Lisa Stevens on Oct 13, 2011 2:04 PM EDT reply actions
All of these have been good so far,
but this is definitely your best. I’m gonna have to explain to my coworkers why I’m crying, but I’m ok with that.
"The time has come to get deeply into Football. It is the only thing we have left that ain't fixed." - HST
by JerBear50 on Oct 16, 2011 6:42 AM EDT reply actions
Comments For This Post Are Closed