Feb 16, 2011 - If jowly owners are bound and determined to fly the NFL into a smoking crater with a lockout, let them. The game at its highest level of athleticism is now piloted by its lowest level of creativity, and only a great fire consuming all that is mediocre can turn the NFL into a creative, dynamic league capable of rebounding from the deep ravine ownership is set to plunge the entire franchise into for the foreseeable future.
The game will need overhauls and some serious hacking, and we are here to help. The point of adopting any of these is to make better, faster football by stealing the best elements of Australian, Arena, and Canadian Football Add in a few rugby mods, and we'll have a leaner, faster, more interesting game for all and move away from the leaden era of specialization the game has fallen into in the 21st century. If you like games that end 6-3 and the stultifying sight of a Cover 2 defense smothering everything, great. You should go watch something else, because that is not what this game is.
(Note: there is an entirely different column to be written about rules that need to die a swift death. This is not that piece, but it should be said that unnecessary celebration penalties at all levels are an abomination, and should be eliminated from the human experience completely.)
The hacks to build a new football, in no particular order:
Go with three downs. Part of the NFL's wretched conservatism comes from the luxury of having four downs, the first two of which are usually spent throwing short routes or just pounding meaninglessly into the line because "you have to establish the run." This hasn't been true since the late 20th century, but it does not stop the calcified offensive minds of the NFL from wasting play after play in the vain pursuit of some kind of idea of "balance."
Fine, if what we're doing is trying to make more football out of the lullsome game professional football can be, then we'll have to counterintuitively take away the luxury of one of your downs. If you want first down to mean something, then fine: let's make it mean something by forcing you to actually do something with your opportunities. Woody Hayes just rolled over in his grave, but he does that a lot now what with the kids and their Facebooks and tattoos and Pokemons and hip-hops and other Commie deviations. Pay him no mind.
Two forward passes per play. By far the least sensical and most radical of any of these proposals, the two forward passes on a play would certainly loosen up the game and force serious creativity on the part of offensive thinkers. The move is about so much more than that, however. Watching rugby in the offseason has reminded us of what football began as--namely, a rugby derivative based on running, pure, athletic, collision-heavy running.
Looking at the game now, the specialization of football has allowed offensive and defensive linemen to grow to sizes thought unimaginable thirty years ago. This has come at the cost of overall mobility and speed. (The guys currently playing on NFL offensive lines are astonishingly fast for their size, but it's still a step back from what they would be if playing at 275 pounds or so and not 325.)
So let's finally find a place for all those hybrid spread-option quarterbacks the NFL has no idea what to do with and allow for multiple forward passes during a play. Let's make linemen run their asses off on every single play. Let's put the Albert Haynesworths of the world on a treadmill and see what happens when every play is live for everyone all the way down the field on every snap. Let's put two queens on this chessboard and see how pretty the mess it makes is.
Who can throw the second pass? Any eligible receiver throwing to any eligible receiver. A better question: if the pass is intercepted, can the defense throw a pass during the play? Certainly, but only one. (Why? Because I said so, and that is what rulebooks are: arbitrary and final.)
Am I proposing this just because of the side-splitting concept of a 270 pound defensive lineman catching a wobbly touchdown pass thrown by a linebacker? Yes, yes I am, but don't let that undermine the legitimate possibilities here. The game has to be freed from its constraints, and that includes moving the launch point of the ball from a single, easily assaulted point.
Return of the drop kick. Another vestige of rugby that desperately needs re-evolution: the drop kick. Rather than settling in for the monotonous, momentum-killing field goal attempt, players could pull up at any time during an offensive play and kick for three. Field goals are the bane of professional football, but there's no need for them to be, since they don't belong to specialists alone under the drop kick. Anyone can try one at any time, and they emerge from the flow of play rather than the set piece. This is part of a pattern of reducing specialization, if you'll notice, and would require that everyone on offense a.) be nimble enough to do this and b.) have the brains to know when to do this.*
* Also note that this is moving more towards less control for coaches and more for players. Most coaches don't want games to be interesting in any sense of the word. Coaches do not want any hint of Calvinball in their football. You, the viewer, do, and thus the less influence coaches have on the outcome of the game the better for the overall value of the game. The solution for "The Chan Gailey Problem" is to reduce niche players and expand what is possible on any given play. it may also make Merrill Hoge's head explode. In these quarters, that would be considered a schematic advantage.
The ideal scenario for combining the drop kick with the double forward pass is the end-of-game scenario on a kickoff down by one or two points. The ball is kicked, the return team volleys forward, and a desperate kick sails through the uprights for a chaotic, thrilling finish. If you don't prefer this to the slow water torture of a hopeless 67-yard field goal attempt at the gun, you are either named Lane Kiffin or hate all exciting and good things in this world, and are currently jonesing for a mayonnaise sandwich.
Receivers may be moving forward at the start of the play. Hey, Arena Ball! That thing you did, we like it a lot, and will just steal it wholesale. Another offensive advantage built into the new game, moving forward toward the line of scrimmage allows receivers to get a decisive jump on pass routes, and just really looks cool, and if you don't think that's important in football you probably also thought Tank Carder's four layers of bicep-accentuating armbands were unnecessary in the Rose Bowl. (You'd be wrong on both, of course. Four layers of armbands is a mere starting point.)
Note: that receiver may be the running back, too, meaning you'll have massive, neck-snapping play-action fakes like nothing you've ever seen before.
Crossbar is one point. Well, it's not like you missed the point of a kick completely, kicker. In fact, by doinking a ball off the crossbar or upright, you actually did something far more difficult than winging the ball through the relatively large imaginary plane of space extending forever upward from the uprights. There has to be some credit for doing this, so a single point for hitting the upright will be awarded.
Additional Harry Potter wrinkle: hit all three bars with one kick and the game is over instantly and your team is declared the winner. Though physically impossible, the Golden Snitch of football moves should exist just as a tantalizing possibility for Bill Belichick to cheat his ass off in making a reality.
28 comments
Comments
Another idea...
I suggest doing away with limitations on the number of eligible receivers in an offensive formation. How awesome would it be to have a five-man line of scrimmage and end up with your left tackle going deep on some defensive lineman?
by jlwoodhe on Feb 16, 2011 11:44 AM EST reply actions
Yes please
Better yet, just make them all tight ends. Everyone’s a threat!
I don't want to live in this world anymore
by Andrew Reifschneider on Feb 16, 2011 11:51 AM EST up reply actions
One word...
Landmines.
by MikeyInTheHam on Feb 16, 2011 11:45 AM EST reply actions 2 recs
3 downs would encourage punting.
The NFL coach would see that and instantly think, “If I punt, then they only have two downs for a first before they punt it back to me. WIN!”
Heck, if they lose yards on first, they might punt on second.
by David Hooper on Feb 16, 2011 12:06 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
Herm Edwards loves this idea
"Smell the perfume but don't drink it because it might kill you." Erin Andrews recounting advise from Gary Pinkel
by Gaknar on Feb 16, 2011 12:12 PM EST up reply actions
Agreed
Everybody needs 4 downs in American Football. The NFL can use some changes, but I would keep the current four downs.
For the record, I would put a weight limit on the offensive and defensive lines. Then I would require teams to run a play on fourth down if they are in the red zone or have five or fewer yards on fourth down regardless of the position on the field. Third, I would eliminate the point after TD and force teams to try the two point conversion. Fourth, I would eliminate the sudden death component of overtime and play a 15 minute quarter. In the regular season, if the game is still tied, it is over, but we would continue if it were a postseason game. Finally, I would stop the clock whenever a first down is made so that the officials have time to reset the field. In this situation, the clock would be restarted by the snap.
BTW, I love the drop kick and two forward passes rules.
by Jessy S on Feb 16, 2011 3:20 PM EST up reply actions
theme with a twist
As you say, all of these suggestions move the sport away from specialized players which would probably be a good thing for the players overall.
Except for the last one, which would make kickers an even more specialized branch, especially once someone figures out how to make the 3 bar kick possible (and they will, because if there is one thing kickers have a lot of at practice it’s spare time)
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by PodKATT on Feb 16, 2011 12:11 PM EST reply actions
A few other rugby inspired rules
1. No substitutions except after a change of possession. Not only would this require more stamina and less specialization by the players (i.e. your defensive package for a given series would have to account for both passing and running downs), but this would require that one of the skill players have to learn to kick & punt. No more of the “kicker won/lost game for us.” (And one person can learn to both kick & punt – rugby & aussie rules players both placekick and kick from hand during a match, and do it well.)
2. Going out of bounds is a 5 yard penalty. Have you noticed how football is the only sport in the world where going OB is rewarded? In most sports it results in a change of possession, but that is probably too drastic a change.
3. Get rid of all timeouts. 12 per game is too many.
by TadAllagash on Feb 16, 2011 12:11 PM EST reply actions
Two things
1. Going out of bounds in the NFL is adopted from Soccer where a team might kick the ball out of bounds just to stop a defensive alignment. Your 5 yard penalty would put an end to all kinds of circus catches that are made along the sideline. It is at least harder to make a catch in the NFL because you have to have both feet inbounds. In addition, an offensive player is often forced out of bounds by the defense.
2. Out of bounds is awarded in other sports as well. I did mention Soccer, but there is also Ice Hockey, Curling, and Baseball among the team sports. In regards to baseball, there is no limit as to how many balls a player may foul off in any given at bat.
by Jessy S on Feb 16, 2011 3:40 PM EST up reply actions
Plus out of Bounds in football is often a safety line as well
Preventing a lot of big hits and potentially harmful situations.
If there was a penalty then you’d have offensive players having to make the decision of whether to take the penalty or take the hit.
Which would inevitably lead to a situation where a player takes the penalty and gets chewed out by his coach, or another situation where a star player gets severly injured for no reason other than to avoid the penalty.
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by RoyalPug on Feb 16, 2011 4:41 PM EST up reply actions
Not a soccer expert but don’t get your point re: out of bounds – if a team kicks the ball out of bounds they lose possession. Can’t see how that’s a reward. Football is derived from rugby, and in that sport if players are forced out of bounds they lose possession. So they try to stay inbounds and keep the ball in play.
The main annoyance I have with football is that there are too many commercial breaks and clock stoppages….my comments above are an effort to address that. My guess is that the NFL & their broadcast partners see the current ratings as evidence that people like commercials and want to watch more of them.
by TadAllagash on Feb 16, 2011 5:53 PM EST up reply actions
Remove hash marks
Back in the olden football days, the offense lined up where ever the ball was spotted, even if it was flush against the sideline.
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by Gaknar on Feb 16, 2011 12:13 PM EST reply actions
There has to be at least 1 lingerie football girl on each team of every play. It’s a 13 point TD if she scores…she is ineligible if her MAXIM hotness rating ever goes below an 8.
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by Kevin Ewoldt on Feb 16, 2011 12:13 PM EST reply actions
For every bit as awesome as these are
They are equally horrifying to consider how NFL coaches would adapt players and game planning to adjust for them.
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by Bourbon_Meyer on Feb 16, 2011 12:36 PM EST reply actions
Make them play both ways
This was a big mistake by Arena ball, going to platoon football. If you have to play offense and defense, you’re not going to want to weigh more than about 260, tops. Girls will particularly like it because football players will all have rugby bodies, without the brow, nose and ear scar tissue.
Either love your players or get out of coaching.
by Golden Hand on Feb 16, 2011 12:53 PM EST reply actions
Screw the crossbar.
Let’s just have two goal posts that go all the way to the ground, like they do in Australia. If the ball goes through them cleanly, it’s 3 points. If it hits the post, it’s 1 point. And just for fun, if it hits both posts, it’s 5 points.
And why stop at the drop kick? Let’s make EVERY kick a live ball, and you can kick from anywhere.
by Dave's Football Blog on Feb 16, 2011 1:18 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
co-signed
by Gator Cub on Feb 16, 2011 2:33 PM EST up reply actions
Friggin sharks with friggin laser beams on their friggin heads.
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by JoeCB1991 on Feb 16, 2011 2:01 PM EST reply actions
Orson, IT has started
The Weissian strain of NFLAIDS has started to infect you. IT creeps into your other thoughts and takes hold. Even as you try to innovate, you will be consumed by it.
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by Cranked_Irish on Feb 16, 2011 2:34 PM EST reply actions
A couple of things from Arena Football...
1) Live Ball on any kick. Put up nets on either side of the FG posts, and let the defense return the kick. Devin Hester just became the most dangerous player in the history of the NFL.
2) Moving WRs. You no longer have to be set before a play is run. You can be running forward, backward, or sideways, as long as you’re still onsides when the ball is snapped. Only one player can run forwards before the snap, though. Everybody else can move any way they want backwards or sideways when the ball is snapped.
And now one modified from College Football
Overtime rules. I hate Sudden Death. I likewise hate the “25-and-go”. Each team must have the same number of possessions in overtime. A turnover counts as a possession for the team that gets the turnover. All other rules are exactly the same as regular football.
And a couple from the CFL:
BIGGER FIELDS!!! Give me 40 yards sideline-to-sideline. Give me a 140 yard length. I hate teams dinking and dunking the sidelines all the way down the field. At least make it difficult for them.
1 yard buffer OL/DL. This is an injury-reducing step. Require the DL to be at least 1 yard off the LOS. The DL can react better, and hits actually tend to happen slower and less forcefully. Plus, reduction of HOLDING, which pisses me off no end.
by Doshi on Feb 16, 2011 4:19 PM EST reply actions
All of these
look like bad ideas, besides maybe the idea of receivers not needing to be set before the snap
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by Willgfass on Feb 16, 2011 5:14 PM EST reply actions
The best idea I ever read for making the game more interesting ...
… is subtle.
Make the player who scores the touchdown attempt the PAT.
Would add a whole nother wrinkle of strategy and beget a bunch of 26-25 games.
Though I guess we don’t want a fullback’s lack of ability to kick deciding which team was best.
Either that or this … play the game exactly the same, except the team who gains the most yards wins.
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by D3Keith on Feb 16, 2011 7:25 PM EST reply actions
3 downs
would mean more commercials, and more time to rest for the players, making it less of a sport….
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by rhettchrystal on Feb 16, 2011 8:13 PM EST reply actions
What I hate the most about the NFL is the ploddingly slow pace of the game, SO:
1- Reduce the play clock to 25 seconds, and it still starts when the previous play is blown dead. I don’t really care if your jumbo package of Huge Gentlemen can’t make it from the bench to the red zone in that timespan, one of the most infuriating aspects of the NFL is how easily a team in the lead can bleed gameclock by doing nothing.
2- Instead of media timeouts, we use the invisible yellow line technology to project advertisements onto the field during gameplay. Faster pace, the fans who paid to go to the game don’t have time to spend $20 for a Bud Lite, and every broadcast production crew’s insistence on the terrible sideline angle that leaves out half the football for the bulk of the game’s action gets rewarded by yielding Sellable Advertising Space.
3- If you insist on putting a Fullback on the field you are required to run some variant of the triple-option.
4- I like the drop kicks idea.
5- As a sop to the bloodless corporate fucks who have a stranglehold on the game from now on you are allowed to patent formations and plays and then sue the shit out of unoriginal offensive coordinators who copy you without even attempting to add their own twist.
6- Al Davis is not allowed to trade draft picks for players
by mojavereject on Feb 16, 2011 9:14 PM EST reply actions
#6
Al Davis is not allowed.
fixed that for you. :)
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by Jon Johnston on Feb 16, 2011 11:50 PM EST up reply actions
Al Davis: Just speaking his name is a crime against humanity.
And he comes in the night to steal you aw
by Doc Scratch on Feb 17, 2011 1:25 AM EST up reply actions
Also
Moratorium on Dan Snyder too.
by jlwoodhe on Feb 18, 2011 2:47 PM EST up reply actions
HOW ABOUT.......
The advertising on the field using green screen technology sounds promising, since the field is already green. Teams that wear green would have to change colors though. Would keep the pace of the game up.
No overtime. If you can’t win in regulation it’s a tie. Post-season would continue playing until points scored. No special quarter. No coin toss. No extra TO’s. OR like FIFA Give each team 5 kicks from 40 yards by 5 different players. Best score wins.
I like the 25 second play clock. Like playing the whole game in a 2 minute drill.
Get a league to compete with the American NFL, Europe was cool to the idea of NFL Europe. Stock them with decent coaches and players for a 16 week schedule. After each respective continental championship, have winners play each other for the World Champion status.
Or, God forbid, the UFL actually makes it. XFL returns. It could happen, There needs to be another league to compete with for the title World Champion.
by Weezey on Feb 19, 2011 10:16 PM EST reply actions
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