*(Because sometimes, exactly what happened is an outstanding headline all by itself.)
Dallas Cowboys WR Dez Bryant was ejected from an upscale Dallas shopping mall after he and his shopping buddies refused to pull up their sagging pants, exposing their underwear to hundreds of virgin eyes. From NFL.com:
When the officers asked the quartet to pull up their trousers, according to the police statement, Bryant launched into a profanity-laced tirade that prompted the officers to escort him and his friends from the mall.
"Sir, can you pull up those jeans?"
(Dez' head snaps around)
"WHAT THE F**K?
"WHAT? YOU MAD AT THE SWAG?"
Those aren't exact quotes, but yeah, I'll spend the rest of the day imagining how this all played out. Initial reports claim Dez was banned from the mall for three months, but Dez claims he'll be headed to the mall tomorrow to buy the new LeBrons. ... Yes, really.
This reminds me of the time Tyreke Evans' entourage got in trouble for the same thing and--God, I love sports sometimes. As for Dez Bryant, Blogging the Boys has lots more coverage, including a quote from Bryant where he explains, "I told the guy I'm not trying to get in trouble ... The [warning] wasn't toward me. I was trying to figure out what was going on. It was a big misunderstanding."
Regardless, you gotta admit, "getting thrown out of a luxury mall for refusing to pull up your pants" scores very high on the real-o-meter. But is this all part of a dangerous pattern with Dez? Maybe...
From the Dallas Morning News:
A police report said Bryant "has had a pattern of behavior at NorthPark Center involving security/off-duty police." ... According to the police report, Bryant's previous incidents at the mall included "a major disturbance" at P.F. Changs with an unknown female as well as an episode at the Apple Store when a lieutenant had to intervene after Bryant attempted to cut in line.
Okay so... Maybe not a dangerous pattern. But certainly a hilarious pattern. I didn't even know it was possible to cut in line at an Apple Store, where every employee has those mobile credit card machines and you can just check out on the spot. (It's really quite delightful.)
But apparently Dez Bryant doesn't share Steve Jobs' utopian vision for next generation shopping. And worse, now we find out his pants are too low and you can see his boxers.
"Think of the children!" somebody probably said.
"And think of all the luxury shoppers he's disturbing with his (uses airquotes here) 'Urban' style' and his (uses airquotes, again) 'posse' walking around like they own the place. God, can someone just please get them out of there? I don't care, just make up a rule. Say he's talking to loud on his cell phone. Say his pants are too low. WHATEVER. Just get him out of here."
...And that's (probably) how Dez Bryant got kicked out of a Dallas luxury mall.