Football Guys: A Peek Into The Online Chat Room Of The NFL

"The Dugout" is a long-running series of mock chat rooms in which baseball players say mean things to each other. Today, we present the birth of an NFL-themed spinoff, the appropriately-named "Football Guys."

The 2011 NFL season begins in 10 days, and commissioner Roger Goodell has implemented a means by which the league's personalities -- players, coaches, and the commish himself -- can communicate with one another. The chat room, appropriately titled "Football Guys," is meant only to be accessed by NFL types, but we have managed to gain special access. What follows is an invaluable peek into the top-secret underbelly of the NFL.

Just kidding. It is a fake chat room!


**Online Host**
Welcome to NFL Chat!

Rogergoodell_medium

DudeYoureGettingGoodell: ok guys, set you up with a chat room, thought it might could be nice if you guys had a chat room where you can talk w/ y'all and whatnot

Shonngreene-la_medium

Shonngreene-La: "whatnot" who the f says "whatnot," how much of a g-d ole ass man you gotta be to say "whatnot"

Bne_medium

BNE;: 400 HUNDRET YEARE OLT

Rogergoodell_medium

DudeYoureGettingGoodell: what's wrong with sayin "whatnot"
Michaelvick_medium User183835: Its just something someones grandma would say. Its like starting a sentence with "what say we"

Rogergoodell_medium

DudeYoureGettingGoodell: Michael, you are encouraged to set up your own account with your own screen name
Michaelvick_medium User183835: Eh

Rogergoodell_medium

DudeYoureGettingGoodell: set-up should only take five to ten minutes
Michaelvick_medium User183835: Listen man im sure that your online form thing is worlds of fun but half the time i dont even flush the toilet anymore
Michaelvick_medium User183835: Alright lunchtime

Rogergoodell_medium

DudeYoureGettingGoodell: it's 9:30 in the morning
Michaelvick_medium User183835: /unscrews top of yellow mustard squeeze bottle, crumbles in saltine crackers, drinks

Rogergoodell_medium

DudeYoureGettingGoodell: welp

feel like this'll be a good place for us all to get together & talk about what's what, chat about this & that, maybe say some hey 'bout the last big game that happened, have football players talk to one another & be pals

Rogergoodell_medium

DudeYoureGettingGoodell: talk about the football games & football
Philiprivers_medium DrainageBasin: yeah, but why a chat room? People don't really use chat rooms anymore. Setting up a proprietary forum just for us is... weird.
Shonngreene-la_medium Shonngreene-La: yeah are you doing this just cause baseball does it?

Rogergoodell_medium

DudeYoureGettingGoodell: The Dugout was the inspiration for this chat room, yes
Philiprivers_medium DrainageBasin: well, way to come up with the one chat room name that could possibly be any more f***ing generic than "The Dugout"

Rogergoodell_medium

DudeYoureGettingGoodell: OK well we can call it something other than "Football Guys" if y'all would prefer we call it something else, call it by another name & so forth

Rogergoodell_medium

DudeYoureGettingGoodell: this was the list of other ideas

Things That Occur In Football
Football
Untitled.txt
Roger Goodell
N.F.L.
N.F.L.!
Casual Racism, Excused
Google
Googlecom
Shonngreene-la_medium Shonngreene-La: Football Guys is fine i guess

Bne_medium

BNE;: CAT ROM.
Dwaynebowe_medium
SomewhereOverDwayneBowe:
yo what is up with this dude

Bne_medium

BNE;: HAVE GAINT FACE.

Rogergoodell_medium

DudeYoureGettingGoodell: oh, this is Ben Roethlisberger, who can't properly type and doesn't know how to re-size his profile image because he's a giant stupid weirdo creep
Dwaynebowe_medium SomewhereOverDwayneBowe: does anyone like him

Rogergoodell_medium

DudeYoureGettingGoodell: yeah, he is cheered on by other people who are also giant creeps
Dwaynebowe_medium SomewhereOverDwayneBowe: ick

Bne_medium

BNE;: GNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Rogergoodell_medium

DudeYoureGettingGoodell: so anyways guys, i hope you guys can talk & have fun conversations in here, have discussions bout this + that, talk about football games that happened or are currently goin on or are bout to happen, talk bout what you think might happen in football, be a football player & discuss football w/like jobbed individuals
Michaelvick_medium User183835: Well thanks i guess for this crap copycat ripoff chat room, i look forward to conversing with shallow one-dimensional personalities, should be a real blast
**OnlineHost** Kyle Farnsworth has entered the chat room.
Farnsworth_medium

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: get ready to baptize yer eyes, the apron saint kyle farnsworth has meander'd cross the chat mansion an into another chat room

Farnsworth_medium pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: wait wtf is this place
Farnsworth_medium pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: why is nobody wearen hats, why is everyone boring, is this a chat room for people who work at thorntons
Farnsworth_medium pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i guess ill just have a grape 5 hour energy
Philiprivers_medium DrainageBasin: They all basically taste the same, the flavor doesn't matter.
Farnsworth_medium pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: shut yer lego head face up, wtf would you know of energy drink flavor profiles, you look like a goddam space police
Farnsworth_medium pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: can you cuss in here
Dwaynebowe_medium SomewhereOverDwayneBowe: sort of
Farnsworth_medium pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: can you say the f word
Dwaynebowe_medium
SomewhereOverDwayneBowe:
not really
Farnsworth_medium pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /wank
**OnlineHost** Kyle Farnsworth has left the chat room.

Rogergoodell_medium

DudeYoureGettingGoodell: OK so does anyone in here have any actual opinions about football
Shonngreene-la_medium Shonngreene-La: nnnnnnope

Bne_medium

BNE;: /eats raw potato

Football Guys is a spinoff of The Dugout, a baseball-oriented series of cussy chat room conversations created in 2004 by Jon Bois, Brandon Stroud, and Nick Dallamora. You can read the latest installments of The Dugout at With Leather.

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