Football Guys: Terrelle Pryor Scores A Negative Four Million On The Wonderlic

JEANNETTE, PA - AUGUST 12: Terrelle Pryor works out at a practice facility while quarterbacks coach Ken Anderson looks on on August 12, 2011 in Jeannette, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Jared Wickerham/Getty Images)

Once again, a young black quarterback has been the subject of hand-wringing over an incorrect report of a bad score on a largely ridiculous and largely irrelevant intelligence test. 21st-century racism is so complicated!

Days ago, a report emerged claiming that new Oakland Raider Terrelle Pryor scored a seven on the Wonderlic test. The report was later revealed to be a false one, but questions about your intelligence are the last thing you want to deal with if you're the 11th-string quarterback whose duty it is to back up Jason Campbell, Kyle Boller, Trent Edwards, Sebastian Janikowski, Hue Jackson, Jeff Hostetler, Mark Vlasic, Paul Tagliabue, the dad from ALF, and Steve Bedrosian.

Today's Football Guys follows. It's only the second installment of Football Guys, so please enjoy the hastily-developed one-dimensional characters while they last!

 

  **Online Host**
Welcome to Oakland Raiders Chat!


 **Online Host**
Terrelle Pryor has entered the chat room. 

Terrellepryor_medium

 TerrelleGhostbusters: Hi, everyone!

Joebarksdale_medium

 BarksdaleWeakToday: COACH COACH JAMARCUS RUSSELL IS HERE AGAIN

/brandishes broom

/makes shooing motion with broom

Terrellepryor_medium

 TerrelleGhostbusters: What? No, I'm Terrelle Pryor.

Kevinboss_medium

 ResemblingABoss: yeah he's smiling, he's definitely not jamarcus russell

Joebarksdale_medium

 BarksdaleWeakToday: /makes welcoming motion with broom

/unbrandishes broom

Huejackson_medium

 HueJackCity: settle down, everyone. this is Terrelle Pryor, he's going to be our fourth-string idiot moron clipboard-holding doofus nobody

Terrellepryor_medium

 TerrelleGhostbusters: Wait, what? Is this about the Wonderlic?

Huejackson_medium

 HueJackCity: yes. now let's get you to work. gonna have Kyle put you through some clipboard-holding drills.

Kyleboller_medium

 BOLLER: OKAY SO YOUR INSTINCT WILL PROBABLY BE TO KEEP THE PEN IN THE LITTLE HOLE THING ON THE METAL HINGE PART OF THE CLIPBOARD. DON'T DO THAT! IT WILL FALL OUT!

Kyleboller_medium

 BOLLER: DON'T STAPLE YOUR PAPERS BEFORE PUTTING THEM IN THE CLIPBOARD. IF YOU DO, YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO RE-ARRANGE THEM!

Kyleboller_medium

 BOLLER: WHILE YOU'RE HOLDING THE CLIPBOARD, DON'T FLOP YOUR ARMS AND LEGS AROUND LIKE A DINGUS. YOU'LL DROP THE CLIPBOARD AND EVERYONE WILL TACKLE YOU OFF OF THE FOOTBALL TEAM.

Kyleboller_medium

 BOLLER: DO NOT JUMP OUT OF AN AIRPLANE WITH THE CLIPBOARD

Terrellepryor_medium

 TerrelleGhostbusters: look, this isn't really necessary

Kyleboller_medium

 BOLLER: COACH.

COACH, DWIGHT GOODEN ISN'T SHOWING ME RESPECT

Huejackson_medium

 HueJackCity: kid, shape up and show some respect. kyle boller is a super bowl-winning quarterback.

Terrellepryor_medium

 TerrelleGhostbusters: Wait, he is?

Huejackson_medium

 HueJackCity: lol no but you totally believed it for like three seconds

we drafted him in 2009 out of the middle of a Cub Foods parking lot

Kyleboller_medium

 BOLLER:

Nflbollersucks_medium

Terrellepryor_medium

 TerrelleGhostbusters: Look, I don't deserve this. The Wonderlic is rigged. They subtracted 15 points from my score because I got one question wrong.

Huejackson_medium

 HueJackCity: what question was that

Terrellepryor_medium

 TerrelleGhostbusters: "hey you're not a black guy who's trying to be a quarterback, right"

Terrellepryor_medium

 TerrelleGhostbusters: once I answered that one, the rest of the questions were basically just 15 ways of asking, "if you ever hang out with Ving Rhames do you think I could come along please"

Terrellepryor_medium

 TerrelleGhostbusters: I said I wasn't friends with Ving Rhames, and they gave me a seven.

Huejackson_medium

 HueJackCity: OK, well, you're done in this league unless you can go into full "damage control" mode

Huejackson_medium

 HueJackCity: seriously, go produce a rap album with Bon Iver immediately
   **OnlineHost** JaMarcus Russell has entered the chat room.
Jamarcusrussell_medium  RussellAthletic: /unrolls frayed child-size Dick Tracy sleeping bag

hey guys, you guys mind if i just

Huejackson_medium

 HueJackCity: JESUS GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE
Jamarcusrussell_medium  RussellAthletic: wull i was just gonna ask, maybe i could just stay here for a few hours, won't bother y'all, maybe just take a nap real quick
Jamarcusrussell_medium

 RussellAthletic: /tries to climb into sleeping bag

/sleeping bag stops at knee

aw dumplings

/lies down to go to sleep anyway

Huejackson_medium

 HueJackCity: LEAVE

/swats with rolled-up newspaper
Jamarcusrussell_medium  RussellAthletic: /shields face with hands

gawww
   **Online Host**
JaMarcus Russell has tripped over his sleeping bag and fallen out of the chat room.

Huejackson_medium

 HueJackCity: god, what a pain the ass

Kyleboller_medium

 BOLLER: THAT ISN'T A VERY NICE THING TO SAY ABOUT VING RHAMES

Football Guys is a spinoff of The Dugout, a baseball-oriented series of cussy chat room conversations created in 2004 by Jon Bois, Brandon Stroud, and Nick Dallamora. You can read the latest installments of The Dugout at With Leather.

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