Lawrence Tynes Kicks A Lot Of Touchdowns

Via our own Chris Mottram, here's an excerpt from a press release that was just issued by the folks at Bengay:

With all the hard work, who doesn’t need a little muscle relief? While not everyone can throw a pass like Tom Brady or score a touchdown like Lawrence Tynes, you can improve your fitness routine, and that’s where BENGAY® comes in.

Lawrence Tynes, mind you, is a kicker who has never scored a single touchdown in his eight-year NFL career. Clearly the folks at Bengay have a, uh, different understanding of the game of football that we do. Here, according to Bengay, are some great tips if you're interested in scoring a touchdown:

1. Regardless of whether you play for the New York Footballs or the New England Helmets, you can be a touchdown!
2. Remember to touchdown.
3. Do a touchdown as is your wont.
4. There are many ways to score a touchdown. A touchdown may be kicked, thrown, punted, spiked, punched, skated, placated, interlocuted, barfed, muted, enjoyed, exiled, eaten, understood, braised, kneed, elbowed, commemorated, defragmented, bartered, or garroted.
5. Do a touchdown! You will be happy if you do.
6. There are many kinds of touchdowns. One example is touchdowns.
7. Do not brush your teeth with a touchdown. Touchdowns aren't toothbrushes!
8. See Item No. 7.
9. A touchdown is made of molecules.
10. touchdown,
11. Football is included in touchdown you DORK!
12. If you attempt to use a touchdown as an adverb then everyone will die.
13. Try to touchdown. Attempt!
14. Thank you for reading this touchdown list. This is not a step in how to do a touchdown though. We are just trying to say thanks to you about touchdown list.