Apparently, there was a football game in Jacksonville last night, something about the Colts and Jaguars. I'm not really sure. I just remember something about Andrew Luck and a Roger Goodell photo op, which seems to happen with some regularity in Northern Florida these days.
If you did watch the NFL Network's latest foray into the Thursday night broadcast spectrum, you have a few chances to cleanse your palate this weekend. The Week 10 watchability index has your suggested viewing ranked and ordered for your convenience.
1. Houston Texans vs. Chicago Bears
Sunday's prime time spot usually delivers a dandy. Hopefully, you have enough left in the tank after a day of drinking Bud Light Platinums and watching Red Zone for this one. Oh, there's a very special preview for the game of the week of the millennium right here.
Everyone thinks this is going to be an upset, the Saints reminding the Falcons that they used to be king in the NFC South. I don't see it.
The Busted Expectations Bowl, brought to you by Countrywide Mortgage. Seriously, this game should probably be in the prime time spot on Sunday night. Everyone in America hates these two teams, even fans of the two teams. For the non-fan, you really want a scenario where both teams could lose, because we'll be subjected to five days of media chatter about how the winner just might salvage the season. But it's not going to happen. Chaos, confusion, head coaches in over their heads ... let's just fast forward to January so we can watch Andy Reid chew off his own tail and Jerry Jones forces Jason Garrett and Tony Romo to coexist.
We thought it was gone. It was just resting quietly inside the shuttered steel mills of America's worn-out promised land. It's, it's ... Todd Haley, who really isn't such a monster after all, just a hot-tempered control freak that didn't like working for Scott Pioli. I know it's wrong to put a Chiefs game this far up the list, but Haley's going to live out his revenge fantasy.
I thought the Bengals would more entertaining this year. Wrong again. Watch this game to see if Eli Manning and the Giants rebound from last week's loss to the Steelers. If not, prepare for total media freakout until the Giants win again and we can all go back to talking about the Jets.
6. New York Jets vs. Seattle Seahawks
Speaking of the Jets ... No, this probably isn't going to be the week IT happens either, unless Seattle's defense is ordered to prove Pete Carroll's point about Mark Sanchez not being ready for the NFL. Not that Carroll needs to do anything out of the ordinary, since the world is already convinced of that.
7. Denver Broncos vs. Carolina Panthers
You know what I remembered about Peyton Manning after a season without him? He's kind of boring. Oh sure, he's very good at football and in the midst of a career resurgence, but it's not 2006 anymore. Cam Newton is way more fun to watch, partly because he's not a football robot, a fact we can confirm since he cries real tears.
8. Detroit Lions vs. Minnesota Vikings
The Lions were supposed to compete for the NFC North. The Vikings were supposed to bide time for another year or so. For the first seven weeks of the season, those teams got their wires crossed. Now, Detroit isn't struggling as much, and Minnesota isn't as good as we thought.
This is totally going to be the week that the Bills' talented defensive line bursts onto the scene, the light switch having finally clicked on after Chan Gailey tickled Dave Wannstedt while Mario Williams looked on in abject horror. In all seriousness, maybe the old man should try that since nothing else seems to be working with a defense that should be way better than it is.
In a more just world, the AFC West wouldn't exist and Norv Turner would sleep through the drivers ed classes at the suburban high school where he was the offensive coordinator. Tampa Bay scores points and San Diego sometimes does too. There is the distinct possibility of another 24-point comeback win ... but from who?
11. St. Louis Rams vs. San Francisco 49ers
Any time Jim Harbaugh is on the sidelines, funny things can happen. Of course, this is the Rams, a team that hasn't beaten San Francisco since 2007.
12. Oakland Raiders vs. Baltimore Ravens
The Ravens kind of stink this season, but not like Raiders-level stink. Ed Reed has 60 career interceptions, and he'll probably have 63 when this game is over.
13. Tennessee Titans vs. Miami Dolphins
CBS camera crews have apparently been ordered to photograph Juggalos in Dolphins-colored face paint. I'm not really sure why every Dolphins home game includes that particular crowd shot, other than to scare the shit out of the old people whose televisions are stuck on CBS because the remote control is so damn confusing.