Milwaukee Planets: The Unofficial Chat Room Of The 33rd-Best Team In The NFL

For decades, the Milwaukee Planets have been among the worst teams in the NFL. Thanks to strong regional competition from the superior Green Bay Packers and Chicago Bears, questionable roster decisions, and a terrible team name, it seems like the Planets finish fifth in the NFC North every year.

For the first time, we at SB Nation offer a behind-the-scenes look at the Planets by examining their Dugout-style chat logs, and see what they have to say about the sports stories of the day.

In today's installment, the nucleus of the Planets' offensive system -- quarterback Seneca Wallace, running back Larry Johnson and punter Jake Delhomme -- discuss the plight of ousted NBA superfan Clipper Darrell.

**Online Host**
Welcome to Milwaukee Planets Chat!

CURRENTLY IN THIS ROOM:
Quarterback Seneca Wallace
Running back Larry Johnson
Punter Jake Delhomme

Senecawallace_medium

SenecacheNewYork: Swear to God, I went like four days before I realized Clipper Darrell wasn't a player on the Clippers.

Senecawallace_medium

SenecacheNewYork: Like, I heard the name and instantly just pictured Dimebag Darrell starting for the Clippers

and then it got real weird because it zoomed out, and i had this vision of myself processing the fact that Darrell Dimebag played for the Clippers, and then just shrugging and eating the rest of my corn dog

Larryjohnson_medium

IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: RIP Dimebag Darrell u were the Quiet Panteran

also, the Clippers are actually pretty good these days

Jakedelhomme_medium

SouljaBoyDelhomme: oh COME ON, THE CLIPPERS, ARE YOU SERIOUS

why is every sports team that used to be bad now good, except for us?

Jakedelhomme_medium

SouljaBoyDelhomme: no other NFL team stays horrible forever, and yet the Milwaukee Planets have gone 5-11 like every year since like 1994

Larryjohnson_medium IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: ugh, 1994. that was when that whole Costume Incident happened
Jakedelhomme_medium SouljaBoyDelhomme: the what?
Larryjohnson_medium IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: do you seriously not know what the Costume Incident was?
Jakedelhomme_medium SouljaBoyDelhomme: oh i don't know, at that time i was too busy with Gak to really care about the news of the day
Larryjohnson_medium

IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: what the f-

okay well anyway, the Milwaukee Planets came up with a "Dress Up As Your Favorite Planet" day, and as a consequence nobody could fit through the gate

Larryjohnson_medium

IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: then it started to rain, and eventually the parking lot was just this throbbing mass of soggy papier-mâché and sobbing people

Larryjohnson_medium IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: let it dry out in the sun, wait six weeks, boom, Milwaukee Brewers
Jakedelhomme_medium SouljaBoyDelhomme: I thought the Brewers had been around since the '70s, I don't think that's accurate
Larryjohnson_medium

IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: look we only signed you because your screen name is funny, if you turn out to be Mr. Actual Factual Joke Ruining Bad Haircut Punter you are going to get cut so fast

wait why are you our punter

Jakedelhomme_medium

SouljaBoyDelhomme: Haha, funny you should mention it! There's actually a very funny story about how that happened! Would you like to hear it?

Larryjohnson_medium

IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: what

why the f*** would i ever want to hear a story about Jake Delhomme and punting, that sounds like an awful f***ing time, be quiet


Milwaukee Planets is a spinoff of The Dugout, a baseball-oriented series of cussy chat room conversations created in 2004 by Jon Bois, Brandon Stroud, and Nick Dallamora. You can read the latest installments of The Dugout at With Leather.

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