Peyton Manning Visits The Milwaukee Planets

When we last checked in with the Milwaukee Planets, the team was preparing to woo Peyton Manning. A quarterback of Manning's caliber is capable of turning any team around, and with him behind center, the Planets have designs on finishing higher than fifth place in the NFC North.

Well, Manning has sent the rumor mill into overdrive by visiting the Planets' locker room. The transcript of his visit is after the jump.



**Online Host**
Welcome to Milwaukee Planets Locker Room Chat!

CURRENTLY IN THIS ROOM:
Quarterback Seneca Wallace
Running back Larry Johnson
Punter Jake Delhomme

Larryjohnson_medium

IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: sigh

welp, i guess Manning isn't coming

Jakedelhomme_medium

SouljaBoyDelhomme: yeah

guess i'll go practice my coffin-corner punts

Senecawallace_medium

SenecacheNewYork: Guess i'll join you, I was going to work on my coffin-corner passes

Larryjohnson_medium

IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: well damn, y'all, i was gonna go practice my coffin sweep lefts

Senecawallace_medium

SenecacheNewYork: I would say you could just use the other side of the field, but we leased out our other side of our practice field to a tuberculosis ward and a morgue

Senecawallace_medium SenecacheNewYork: did you want to make a joke about that, or
Larryjohnson_medium

IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: oh, uh

...

Larryjohnson_medium

IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: um

coffin corner? more like COUGHIN' CORONERokay i'm gonna just go walk around in the mall for a long while and end up just buying a shirt at Sears

in the hardware department

sigghhhhhhh


**OnlineHost** Hours later ...

**OnlineHost** It is three in the morning. The locker room is empty.

**OnlineHost** Peyton Manning has entered the chat room.

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: /jimmies locker room door

/pulls on locker room door

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: /forces door open with crowbar

/stumbles in, closes broken door behind him

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: /forces door open with crowbar

/closes broken door behind him

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: /jimmies doorknob from inside of door he has already entered

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: dornob!

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: /dances jig while continuing to turn doorknob

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: ♪ dornob dornob dornob dornob dornob dornob dornob dornob ♪ dornob dornob dornob dornob ♪ dornob dornob dornob dornob dornob dornob dornob dornob dornob dornob ♪ dornob dornob ♪

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: ♪ dornob dornob dor---

/cranes neck, sniffs

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: yogurt

/bugs eyes

YOGURT

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: /stumbles around locker room, sniffing

yogurt

/finds large unmarked pallet of boxes


**OnlineHost** Peyton Manning has found Dom Capers' personal stock of yogurt.

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: /crudely rips open boxes

yogurt

/tears open containers, smashes yogurt into mouth

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: unnnnnghgghhthh

yogurt

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: yoghurt

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: YÖGHURT

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: /madly devours yogurt by the case

UMNMMGNNNGNH

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: JOGHURT

/entire face and torso is now smeared with yogurt

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: JÖGHURT


**OnlineHost** The next day ...

**OnlineHost** Welcome to ESPN Chat!

Schefter_medium

TopSchef: Peyton, thank you for joining us.

Reports indicate that you met with the Milwaukee Planets Friday night. Now, prior to this, nobody was giving the Planets a serious chance of landing you until now.

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: bluppp--

Schefter_medium

TopSchef: Milwaukee fans are still infatuated with Mark Vlasic, who started at quarterback from 1991 until 2009 and let the Planets to seven third-place finishes in the NFC North.

That shadow would cast over you, were you to join the Planets. Are you prepared to handle that sort of scrutiny?

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: BLUAURUGHGUHUGHH

/vomits three gallons of yogurt

Peytonmanning_medium

RodFlanders: aaaaaaaaAAABLURUGUGH
UUUUUBLLLGHGB

/vomits six gallons of yöghurt


Milwaukee Planets is a spinoff of The Dugout, a baseball-oriented series of cussy chat room conversations created in 2004 by Jon Bois, Brandon Stroud, and Nick Dallamora. You can read the latest installments of The Dugout at With Leather.

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