The Dallas Cowboys and Oakland Raiders opened up their preseason on Monday at O.co Coliseum. ESPN certainly picked the right game to broadcast nationally, as it was all-out war! Just kidding. It was a 3-0 win by the Cowboys and was absolutely wretched football all around -- even by preseason standards.
The people at ESPN figured out fairly early on that the most entertaining thing about the game -- like, by such a huge margin that it's not even funny -- was the Raiders fans in attendance, resplendent in their full plumage a full month before the actual NFL season begins.
Let's take a look back at literally the only redeeming thing about that game.
Troy Polamalu has fallen on hard times after that Head & Shoulders money dried up.
Above: a cross-section of the entire Raiders fanbase. Especially the guy in the Chicago Cubs hat and California Goldenshirt.
Yar. Me flagon be full o' Mountain Dew Code Red. Yargh.
This is some harsh sun, bro. Good thing I bought this foam finger to shade my eyes with. Only problem is, y'gotta hold it up with yr'hand! Wishin' there was an easier way to display this big foam finger, but what can y'do?
Kickers have fans, of course. This is what kicker fans look like.
"I made this, instead of doing literally anything else with my life. Couldn't tell you what it's supposed to be, but I made it nonetheless."
HEY MAN WHO'S GOT MORE MOUNTAIN DEW CODE RED THAN ANYBODY ELSE HERE? MEEEEEEEE
"The Raiders, America and this fake plastic snake -- the only three things I truly love."
Thanks, Raiders fans, for livening up yet another sporting event. What's your take on this, Gorilla Rilla?
That's what I thought.