On Thursday, Alex Smith decided to take the day off. A theme park sounded like a good idea, so he looked up the closest one and drove to Vallejo.
10:04 a.m.: Smith parks his SUV and walks all the way to the ticket window before realizing his left his wallet in the car.
10:09 a.m.: Smith forgets where he parked.
10:20 a.m.: Smith buys a ticket and waits in line to get into the park. No one asks for an autograph.
10:46 a.m.: Smith gets a map of the park and asks, "Which way to Shamu?" He is told that is a different park altogether and that the original Shamu is long dead.
11:12 a.m.: Walks out of "Monsoon Falls" soaking wet. Smith wanted to start off with "easy rides" so that he could build up his confidence to ride the "really scary ones" with threatening names like "Kong," "Cobra," "Medusa" and "Roar." He keeps explaining this to anyone who looks at him.
11:34 a.m.: Complains loudly of nausea after getting off the "Thrilla Gorilla," which is a gloried version of the spinning teacups.
11:36 a.m.: Sits on a bench with his head between his legs.
12:08 p.m.: Sullenly eats a corndog and drinks a Sprite at the food court.
12:13 p.m.: Goes back and gets a second corndog.
12:15 p.m.: Sighs, says, "What the hell," and gets back in line for a third corndog.
12:42 p.m.: Stands in line for "SUPERMAN Ultimate Flight" for nearly 30 minutes. Gets right to the front of the line before saying loudly, "OH I JUST FORGOT I HAD TO UH HUH HUH" before trailing off and quickly leaving the queue.
1:12 p.m.: "Sir, I don't know how many times we need to tell you this. Shamu is affiliated with Sea World, not Marine World. Also, we're not even Marine World any more, we're Six Flags Discovery Kingdom. And the original Shamu died in 1971. If you want to see the animals, they're over in the Animals area."
2:04 p.m.: "You make me sad, noble beast. I, like you, wish I could run free. Alas, this world is not meant for us. Sleep well, fair Shamu. Perhaps our next lives will be kinder to us. Fare thee well, maiden."
2:32 p.m.: Smith leaves the park for the day without having ridden any of the "thrill rides."
2:34 p.m.: Smith forgets where he parked.