It's our obligation to remind you that these strong takes are presented as PARODY. Sorry, not sorry. All spelling errors are intentional, we think. -Ed.
Stop me if youve heard this before folks: Tony Romo is going to decide not to show up again in Week 17.
Hes got the opportunity for a Hollywood ending but guess what? Its looking more like "Brokeback" for this Cowboy,, and taking shots engineered for stay-at-home-moms instead of taking a knee to Pray the Vertebray away. So I guess he does have a spine afterall. Huh, could of fooled me.
Someone forgot to tell Tony this is Week 17 not Weak 17. It allmost makes you wonder if Tony were to turn his cap right way around if the logo on the front said "2nd stringer" instead've "Starter."
Do you think ol Roger Staubach would let a nicked disc keep him out of a matchup like this? I'll give you a hint- Kenny Stabler didnt even know what a back was folks and even if he did, he wouldnt care. They say modern meidicine has taken leaps and bounds the passed 40 years but sometime's it just feels like there giving us more excuses.
A Doctor never won a Superbowl. People forget that.
By not playing this weekend Romos literaly turning his back on his Teammates, his family, and his State. Weve read this script before and whether its his romance with Carry Underwood, any number of Week 17 matchups, or a Field Goal in Seattle, things are always slipping through this guys hands and thats when you want a guy with the stickiest smeliest fingers of 'em all folks. A Mans Man who teaches the Mistresses of the Metroplex like bowling balls:
And you know what? Look at the Tape. Theirs another guy in Dallas who might have some sound bytes on the Record about Romos CompactDisc: Jason Witten.
Jason Wittens a real football player: a tough-ass damn son-of-a hell of-a-bitch who once played a game without a spleen. And now his Quarterback thinking about sitting out a game because of a different type of missing organ- I'll give you a hint it comes in sets of two and sometimes I think Jerry Jones is the only one in that city with a big enough swingin' set of 'em to get things done. Funny how with all these Doctors running around suing each other, not one of them has pointed out to Tony that in the NFL, you dont throw with your back, you throw with your balls.
I quess when youve got a Head Coach like Jason Garret who looks more like a sciencist then a leader your going to be more inclined to listen to the "physicians" then your gut. You know Romo use to have another coach named Parcells who made it clear that the only "ability" he valued was "availability." But now you have to wonder if Jessica Simpsons back in the picture because its tough to tell if Romos still a Tuna type guy, or just a Chicken of the D.