We're required to remind you that these strong takes are PARODY. Though his guest's responses in this case are actually very real. Sorry, not sorry. All spelling errors are intentional, we think. -Ed.
Todays STRONG NFL TAKE features myself and Superfan Laura Koscki. Who is Laura Koscki? You might ask,, well besides being my Fan of the Week , shes a individual who truly understands whats going on behind the scenes in the game of football unlike some of you idiots, no offense. Here's a little taste of Lauras takes:
Laura and I have been going back and forth over email this week discussing the illuminati and there influence on NFL playoff outcomes as well as 9/11 and whether Colin Kapernick runs the ball too much to technically count as a "QB" on the stat-sheet. Her and I will be competing in our own Showdown with only one person being able to truly win this conversation. Lets get started...
Reali: Welcome back to Around The Horn, we're into the Shwodown portion of the show, two men enter one man wins. Todays contestents are PFT Commenter, acclaimed journalist and truth knower from SB Nation and Kissing Suzy Kolber going up verse Laura Koscki- noted internet commenter from PrisonPlanet, Infowars, and ProFootball Focus.
First topic- Who do you guys like to win this weekend?
PFT Commenter: I like the Seadderall Pharmacyhawks to win this one hands down. Russel Wilson has emerged as one of the classiest QBs who just kindve seems like a guy youd trust to drive you around in a bus or deliver appliances to your house when just your wives there. People forget that its loud in the Seattle stadium, and even though there missing some players due to drugs the only deficit theyll have to make up in this game is there attention span Tony.
Laura: At first I thought Seahawks, watch this video they admit it:
I don't think football players are that smart, lets play devil's advocate and indicate he stage the conversation in the video here, that would still indicate fraud, by baiting people in to bet on them. I think he let the Genie out of the bag. The odds are on their side in Vegas, and Vegas doesn't want to lose money. BUT THE 409 scares the hell out of me and the fact Colin is running around like Superman.
Reali: Good points.
PFT Commenter: Woa woah whats this 409 crud. Your gaslighting me. Im over here trying to talk football and your talking about the stuff Richard Sherman boils his sudafed in before he smokes it SMH. What do you mean 409?
Laura: 49ers is a code from the Illuminati to viewers that are on their evil team, their Freemasons and they put them on Notice through their codes. 49ers means 409. We don't know what exactly what 409 means, but as of now it may mean the finish line meaning at the halftime show the NEW WORLD ORDER will have been finished. Then the evil elites go to their next plan. Right now the sea life in the ocean is almost all dead!!!!!!!!!! Kryptonite Kaepernick Wins Super Bowl 2014! if it's rigged then 409=49ers=Finish line=rebirth of the New World Order at the Satanical half time show.
This is making sense - the Super bowl is in Giants Stadium in New Jersey this year - that is in FEMA Region III which has been alerted for an upcoming disaster - there has already been a huge chemical pollution to the water in that area and the threat of an east coast tsunami. Rigged for Denver Vs. 49ers=409.
PFT Commenter: Thats a strong take and I respect it but your taking away my constitution here you need to let me finish,, I like the Pats to roll into Denver and beat Peyton Manning easily. Paytons not a clutch player and he has not yet to make it to a Superbowl without Jim Caldwell. The weather in Denver is ironally more New England weather than Denver weather and Peyton doesnt like to wear a glove its to bad Travis Henry isnt on the team anymore theyd have alot in common.
Reali: Point goes to Laura. Round 2: Is Joe Flacco a Elite QB?
Laura: I don't think any of the QB are an elite QB, their not faking enough, their not scanning the field, their not able to take a hit and get up without being hurt, their recklessly throwing the ball down the field. I think because they all know the games are rigged and their frustrated with it being rigged so they smirk and repeat themselves like it's a corporation, it's a franchise, I have to ask the coach if i can run a certain play #3 Seahawks said that one. That is why I started to expose the game for what it really is a Great rigged game control by the evil elites the Illuminati.
PFT Commenter: While I recognize the first amendment gives you the right to literally say anything you want and no one gets to react to it except in a positive way, I think you should be put onto a boat and have a big cement pole fall on your sternum for being a idiot. How can you say NO QBs are Elite? How do you measure Elite? Are you a advocate of Baldingers Cat that a QB can be both Elite and not Elite at the same time?
PFT Commenter: Im not done Stat Boy- Im sorry but theirs the door if your going to tell me with a straight face (no offense to Kerry Rhodes) that Ben Roetliesbergers isnt a Elite QB despite winning a Superbowl with a coach who looks more like a video mashup of "Crash" and "Coach Carter"
Laura: Obama was from Hawaii and Chicago. Yahweh backwards is He whay or HA WAII. Chicago is Chi=X O Cag. Literally OX Cage.
PFT Commenter: It literaly is.
Laura: Once the pressure of the NFL being rigged is expose then you might see more honest NFL games being played. Right now their just firing coaches and putting the blame on them, divide and conquer, the real problem is the Illuminati. How do we capture them
PFT Commenter: A bottle of percocet under a box proped up with a stick usualy takes care of Irsay.
Laura: 49ers just purchase another stadium some say that any time that purchase a new stadium wins the super bowl.
PFT Commenter: No one has literaly ever said that.
Laura: I try and connect the dots, looking for codes and clues from the Illuminati. Once we crack the codes, then you bet big and of course we all go home with a little extra money.
PFT Commenter: I want extra money how do I do a extra money?
Laura: I put a lot of time into this, this takes a lot of time. Sometime I only figure it out 10 minutes before the Super Bowl. It's very difficult, but everyone who wants to help crack the Great Rigged Game is needed. No one person is better than anyone else. Brainstorming and gathering up all clues, no matter how dumb they sound is the key to cracking codes.
PFT Commenter: If you type 58,008 into a calculater and turn it upside down you get a code FYI.
Laura: WW3 and the collapse of the dollar is incoming. Again the Ocean is dead. We as a country are in serious trouble. Start collecting water. Fema 3 is under attack. West Virginia the water is poison. Now back to football if the SeaHawks in the video didn't stage it, then the bird bible verse comes into play. Denver airport, the pale horse is running strong, the BEAST. so to answer your question we have not crack the code. No one is doing any more betting. We can't figure it out, but if we do we will relay the information. Look for clues, any one may just happen to hear something, see something on tv, I have been looking at Jersey's, especially the 49ers. They have to tell us ahead of time, because it's called rules of engagement. Sorry, it's challenging, they know we are on to them, they know we know they have rigged the games.
PFT Commenter: Your much smarter then me.
Laura: It's all about the Red Serpent Bull God Horus
PFT Commenter: You better not be talking about Comissioner Goodell hes the opposite of a serpent hes heads up. What snake do you know could play heads-up football, they might have padlevel but you have to see what you hit are else your consenting to CTE yourself.
Laura: It's all about the Red Serpent Bull God Horus (all still Satan) coming in the flesh. Or as they call it, Red S OX. Apollo the archer, the bow of Satan or Boston. X=Chi in greek. Apollo's winter Olympics in Sochi is really S OX again. Obama was from Hawaii and Chicago. Yahweh backwards is He whay or HA WAII. Chicago is Chi=X O Cag. Literally OX Cage.
Little do the fans realize that when they go into the arena and cheer on the game, they cheer on satan. "Cheers" the pub brought to notariaty in the sitcom of the same name is only a few blocks away from Fenway. Not funny. Not one bit. People fail to see the connections, but do not hesitate to call those who see "crazy".
PFT Commenter: Oh my god your right. Geroge Wendt is in Superfans who sit in grill class with Aaron Rodgers on the Green Bay packers, if George Wendt is Andy Reid who use to coach the Packers back when they had,, you guessed it, Brett Farve. This is the only time I'll ever say this about the ol' Gunslinger, but this goes deeper then you could of ever imagined folks.