On Wednesday, Redskins quarterback and future presidential candidate Robert Griffin III tweeted, then deleted, a link to an article comparing him to Abe Lincoln. Not only were they both born on Feb. 12, but did you know that RGIII has a secretary named Lincoln, and that Lincoln had a secretary named RGIII? Anyway, let's hope the Redskins quarterback doesn't go to the theater in the offseason.
But RGIII isn't the only NFL quarterback who shares a birthday with a similar historical figure. There are eerie parallels between some of his colleagues and famous people who share their birthdays:
Eli Manning (Jan. 3)
Similar Figure: Clement Attlee
Drew Brees (Jan. 15)
Similar Figure: Gamal Abdel Nasser
Parallels: Nasser was a unifying figure in an historically important but chaotic place. Tahrir Square is basically New Orleans without the go cups.
Joe Flacco (Jan. 16)
Similar Figure: Susan Sontag
Parallels: There's a never-ending debate over whether Sontag was elite, except it's in the New York Review of Books and not on Weebie and Sluggo's Morning Drive Time Sports Yak.
Nick Foles (Jan. 20)
Similar Figure: Charles III of Spain
Parallels: Foles plays for Chip Kelly and Charles III got to rule an absolute monarchy. In other words, both were system guys who couldn't help but succeed.
Matt Stafford (Feb. 7)
Similar Figure: Charles Dickens
Parallels: Playing for the Lions could have easily been the plot to Great Expectations.
E.J. Manuel (March 19)
Similar Figure: William Jennings Bryan
Parallels: Bryan lost a record three presidential elections as a major party nominee. In other words, the perfect preparation for quarterbacking the Bills.
Peyton Manning (March 24)
Similar Figure: Harry Houdini
Parallels: Both have a penchant for disappearing on the biggest stages.
Jay Cutler (April 29)
Similar Figure: William Randolph Hearst
Parallels: Hearst's attitude toward the facts is the same as Cutler's toward press conferences: DONNNNNNNNNNNN'T CARRRRRRRRRRE.
Cam Newton (May 11)
Similar Figure: Salvador Dali
Parallels: One can imagine the mid-20th century equivalent of Pete Prisco yelling "THIS ISN'T ART!"
Matt Cassel (May 17)
Similar Figure: Alfonso XIII of Spain
Parallels: There were great expectations for the boy king headed into his reign but it ended in exile. Which is the story for pretty much any Vikings quarterback.
Geno Smith (Oct. 10)
Similar Figure: Isabella II of Spain
Parallels: Judging from his offseason exploits, Smith has as robust a personal life as the former queen of Spain whose children were probably fathered by someone other than the king.
Blaine Gabbert (Oct. 15)
Similar Figure: Friedrich Nietzsche
Parallels: Nietzsche said God is dead. Jaguars fans agree.
Russell Wilson (Nov. 29)
Similar Figure: Jacques Chirac
Parallels: Both are known as charismatic and effective leaders, but only Wilson led an organization known for its good defense.
Matt McGloin (Dec. 2)
Similar Figure: Alexander Haig
Parallels: Haig was essentially the acting president during the last days of the Nixon Administration, so he knows what it's like to lead a dysfunctional organization that's on its way down.
Philip Rivers (Dec. 8)
Similar Figure: Mary, Queen of Scots
Parallels: A woman who was killed because she wanted to have a Catholic country is almost too easy of a comparison. DON'T MARTYR YOURSELF FOR RICK SANTORUM, PHILIP, HE'S NOT WORTH IT.
Mike Glennon (Dec. 12)
Similar Figure: Queen Anne of Denmark
Parallels: Queen Anne died of dropsy, which can also be caused by prolonged exposure to the Bucs locker room.
Carson Palmer (Dec. 27)
Similar Figure: Johannes Kepler
Parallels: Neither Palmer nor Kepler was a star, but they spent their careers working with them.
Jason Campbell (Dec. 31)
Similar Figure: General Cornwallis