The Super Bowl is as much an athletic endeavor for the viewer as it is for the player. While the Seahawks and Broncos wrestle over a football, fans will battle the formidable opponent that is mounds upon mounds of calorie-laden cheese vehicles. Only the able-bodied will survive. Only the exceptional will achieve gluttonous greatness.
Super Bowl eating is a sport, and sports have victors. We are here to determine said victors. What follow are a series of challenges for you, at home, to face at your Super Bowl party. Or just alone while you watch the game. We're not here to judge. Well, we are here to judge how competently you can accelerate you own death via pizza inhalation, but not the context in which you do it.
Since this VERY SERIOUS SPORTS COMPETITION is for fun and no actual prizes but published recognition will be rewarded, we'll operate on an honor system. Ideally, you will include photographic evidence-- better yet, proof-of-life-type photographic evidence of you completing a challenge in front of the game on your TV so we know this actually just happened-- but we trust you. TO THE CHALLENGES:
CHALLENGE #1: FOODBALL
Who can present photographic evidence of the most bizarre football-shaped foodstuff? (This is inspired by the vile-looking Spicy Cheddar Cheese Football, which is the baseline for this event.)
CHALLENGE #2 STRANGE BREW
Who can present photographic evidence of the strangest or most repulsive alcoholic beverage, homemade or store-bought?
CHALLENGE #3: DIP STACK
Who can balance the most dip AND/OR the widest variety of dips on a single chip?
CHALLENGE #4: WING CARNAGE
Who can present photographic evidence of the most chicken wing bones gnawed dry? Extra Science Olympiad points will be rewarded to those who construct the leftover bones into a structure capable of supporting a ten-pound weight.