I love NFL Draft nonsense as much as the next guy, especially this time of year. It's mostly sawdust with a little bit of flour baked into the bread, stuff like Nolan Nawrocki's patented smile analysis or Mike Mayock jumping into the hot takes game and crapping all over Teddy Bridgewater. Not to be outdone, Darren Rovell, the brand ambassador for digital sawdust, returned from his Twitter suspension and dropped this BOMBSHELL on Monday morning.
Are you ready for this?
No, seriously, are your loins sufficiently girded because Rovell landed a red hot scoop about Teddy Bridgewater's insurance policy. But not just any insurance policy, one that pays out as much as $5 million dollars in the event the quarterback isn't one of the first 10 players taken in the 2014 NFL Draft.
I'm out of line here, because that last sentence actually makes Rovell's "report" sound like news instead of one more pathetic attempt to beef up his Klout score and get exclusive access inside the next wave of energy drinks.
Bridgewater is never going to collect that supplemental insurance policy, because the policy only pays out if injury or illness lead to Bridgewater's lost draft status. Teddy Bridgewater is not hurt or sick, no matter how nauseous he gets listening to Mike Mayock et al.
As far as we know, there is no policy insuring players against media stupidity.
We made it a full week without Rovell on Twitter. He posted a link to his Bridgewater piece to mark his return. Of course, he continued to post important news on the sports ticket beat, but those reports just sat in the archives losing value without the brand ambassador himself pimping them on social media.
You and I might shrug at the loss-of-value insurance plans. We are mere pikers, under capitalized brands trolling the internet to argue about draft picks and find GIFs of the nude scenes in Game of Thrones. But when Rovell hears the term "loss-of-value" his little ears perk up, the mousse in his hair cracks and he reaches for his Blackberry.
Rovell's had a full week to think about lost value while his 462,000 or so Twitter followers just read whatever else popped up in their timeline, some of it actual news, hardly noticing his absence. For most of us, it was just a non-story about a maligned NFL prospect and his insurance policy. For Darren Rovell, it's the stuff of nightmares.