We're required to remind you that PFT Commenter's strong takes are presented as PARODY, penis jokes too. All spelling errors are intentional, we think. - Ed.
Funny how when you apply to the PFWA you know that your going to be hanging around a bunch of dicks all day but no one says youll have to write about them. But here we are in Obamas America when its ok to make fun of a white guy just because hes got huge balls.
Some yahoo filed a lawsuit against Johnny Football, alleging among other things that the former Heisman trophy winner put his tiny dick inside a hotdog bun and took pictures of it. But let he who hasnt sent a Manwich snapchat cast the first stone. Anyone? *crickets* Ferris? Anyone?
Thats what I thought.
To be fair he might of mistook the second "o" as a "c" on the packaging when it said the buns were to be used for a "cook out," which fits right in with scouting reports that he sometimes misses reads and gets out of the pocket to soon.
Plus you never know,, the girl he sent them to works with Dr. Drew from LoveLine, and whose to say that Johnny didnt put his wang in a bun because he thought he had a yeast infecton? But you wont hear the lamestream media actually talk about any of these details. Im sick of these off the field distractions, the only ballpark Frank Im concern with is Frank Gore and his YPC, not Johnny Manzeil and his inches per hand off folks.
To me though there is a strong on-the-field element at play here. Johnny needs to play to his strengths and train to his weaknesses. If hes as Brett Farve-like in the trousers as he is on the field, he needs to disguise his playaction a little better, dont use a hotdog bun when youve got a empty smartees wrapper just sitting around begging to be filled.
But alot of people would love to have 4.5 inches you can just ask Andre Dyson or Deanna Farve.
While Johnny might hotdog it on the field he strikes me as more of a West Coast guy in the shorts. Ol' Johnnys going to be more effective at quick short strikes then he is trying to do to much and overextend himself. The verdict is in- the scouts were wrong when they said he had a baby arm. All you had to do was look at his tapespeed to know that a guy who can slip away from the safety so easily woudnt fit into most over the counter condoms, no offence Johnny.
I actually fully suspect that the truth will come out and strongly implicate Jadeveon Clowney (who didnt even spell his own name right in the lawsuit LOL). Clowney is mentioned prominently in the suit, the plaintiff says that Manziel claimed to have numberous pictures of Clowneys pocket collapser. To me this is a obvious attempt for Clowney to get his name in the press for having some direct evidence that he dosen't "work hard."
Whats funny is that allegedly Manzel and Clowney exchanged nudes which you have to admit would of been the most hilarous email chain ever if it had got published. They were probly all cool with Michael Sam being on the thread until he came out've the closet then they took his name of the "reply-all" because its gay if you send those pics to a guy whose gay as opposed to your straight buddys.
Irregardless, it's a fun lawsuit and I sure hope its true on account of I like to make fun of NFL players. The cocky swagger that Manziels always exhibited on the football field allways made you think he had a little Jimmy Dean in him, and now we know that it very well might be true: This is one rebel without a sause-age.*
*TM PFT Commenter 2014 All Rites Reserved.