How *not* to become a member of the Pro Football Writers of America

Rob Foldy-USA TODAY Sports

I wanted to be in the PFWA, but "Do I really want to be a member of a club that wouldn't have me for a member?"- Thomas Jefferson

As one of the most popular football writers on the Internet, we encouraged PFT Commenter to submit his application and his takes. All spelling errors are intentional, we think. -Ed.

In todays Monday Morning Quaterback in Sports Illustrated (why are they called "Sports lillustrated" when they dont even have cartoons am I right? Frankly there more like a popup book but only if Peter King is holding his notepad over his lap during the Patriots game). Wait I lost my train of thought during that parentheses. Anyways, the Monday Morning Quaterback talked a lot about the Pro Football Writers Association of America this morning and all the cool awards they get to vote for.

This reminded me that a long time ago I applied to be a member of the PFWA . It was right before the Superbowl and I was so inspired by the PFWA slutshaming Marshawn Lynch (no offense) for not giving them any thing stupid to print that I decided I needed to join this Elite membership of football takesmiths.

You might remember at Superbowl Media day that the PFWA was so mad at Marshawn that they released a cool letter detailing there grevences:

NEW YORK — The Pro Football Writers of America, the official voice of pro football writers fighting and promoting for access to NFL personnel to best serve the public, is extremely disappointed in the lack of meaningful access to Seattle running back Marshawn Lynch at the Super Bowl XLVIII media day on Tuesday.

Several of our long-standing and high profile members were appalled by Mr. Lynch’s conduct and refusal to answer any questions.

"Several of there longstanding and high profile members were unavailable for comment."

Peter-king-mmqb_medium

But none theless any organzaton that holds this type of power is one that I need membership to. I would be a instant impact type of member and even would get to vote for awards like MVP (Flacco), Coach of the Year (alltime Bruce Arians), and most improved player (statwise hard to not give the 2013 award to Tim Tebow).

So I logged on and checked out the qualificatons.

Screen_shot_2014-02-05_at_10.51.39_am_medium

Should be fish in a barrel. I also hear they except like 99% percent of applicance because they get to collect dues, and I should technically be grandfathered in to any club with Pete Prisco as a card carrying member.

There website is impressive in the fact that its not very good,, so you know that they spend all there time actually working and not sitting on the internet like some loser no offense. They also invented a award called "The Good Guy Award" which dosent' exactly score points for creativity but its not like your dealing with a professional group of writers or anything.

Screen_shot_2014-02-05_at_12.22.08_pm_medium

(Pls ignore the 2006 and 2008 selections.)

But anyhoo I knew I should apply to get all the perks that go a long with membership such as:

Well they dont really list any perks on there website but Im sure there are tons of them besides getting to decide which professional athletes are good and which are bad. Lets take a look at my applicaton.

Pfwaapp_medium

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Insider knowledge there that they call the NFL Football "The Duke"even though when you tell Desean jackson to wrap up high and tight hes more likely to roll you a Brown Dutchess.

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(h/t WeedGuru)

Screen_shot_2014-02-05_at_10.59.03_am_medium Screen_shot_2014-02-05_at_11.00.12_am_medium

I submitted my applicaton on 2/5/2014, so its been a third of a league-year sense they heard from me. Ive got cash in hand ,,or at least a decades worth of unmailed cell-phone rebates in hand which are as good as cash if they want to get off there butts and review my case to become a member of Elite NFL scribes. There twitter handle is @PFWAWriters so if you think I should be aloud to cast a official vote for MVP, "offensive guy of the year", and "fella on defense whose good too" of the year I would apprecate you supporting my cause. Please limit curse words to damn hell ass heck I dont want to burn any bridges here.

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