JUST LIKE WE PREDICTED: Okay, that's wrong. Even if you weren't a fan of some of Chip Kelly's acquisitions this offseason, no one could have predicted that damn near all of them would be underperforming through two weeks this season. The Eagles are in a bad place right now after a listless performance against the Cowboys, and that's bad news for Kelly, who fought hard so that he could put his fingerprint on the franchise.
OH NO KIKO: Kiko Alonso might have been Kelly's smartest move, but the linebacker suffered what appeared to be a serious knee injury on Sunday. Reports suggest that the injury may not be as bad as initially feared. Let's hope that's the case, even if it's just so we get to see more of this.
OH NO, ROMO: Tony Romo, meanwhile, suffered an injury exactly as bad as many feared when they saw his left shoulder get crunched against the ground on a sack. Romo suffered a broken collarbone on the play, leaving the Cowboys' offense in the hands of Brandon Weeden for up to eight weeks.
TERRIFIC NEWS: Bills safety Aaron Williams was released from the hospital after suffering a scary neck injury against the Patriots on Sunday. There's no word yet on his playing status, but the fact that he is up and moving is great news in itself.
SWEET REVENGE: The Packers were bit by the injury bug, too, losing running back Eddie Lacy and defensive tackle Josh Boyd to injuries. Wide receiver Davante Adams was gimpy as well. They got the win over the Seahawks, however, and exorcised their fourth quarter demons in the process.
THIS WEEK IN ODELL BECKHAM, JR.: Just a routine, diving, over-the-shoulder catch followed by a 67-yard catch-and-run to the end zone. OBJ almost makes the Giants watchable. Almost.
JOHNNY'S BACK: I CAN'T HEAR YOU, I'VE MATURED AND NOW I'M LOBBING BOMBS OVER THE TITANS' SECONDARY.
LET DOWN: We should probably curb the Bills hype a bit, but they still looked like a darn good team even as they were getting beat by the Patriots.
CLASS ACT: Tom Brady picks his nose, suspended for conduct detrimental to a towel.
ALAS POOR PUNTER, WE DIDN'T KNOW YOU ALL THAT WELL: Brett Kern thought playing dead might stop a punt returner streaking down the sideline. It did not.
A FATE WORSE THAN CUTLER: Jay Cutler suffered a hamstring injury while trying to tackle a defender who just intercepted his pass, forcing Bears fans to appreciate him more after watching Jimmy Clausen lead the offense.
NFL MVP: We don't hand out a Piesman Trophy equivalent for NFL players, unfortunately, but if we did then Jake Fisher's 31-yard rumble would make him the early odds-on favorite to win the league Most Value Pie-man award.
WHAM BAM THANK YOU, CAM: Cam Newton somersaulted into the end zone, stuck the landing, then whispered sweet nothings into a boom mic.
WORST NIGHTMARE: Delvin Breaux lived his when he lost track of a football in the air and became the subject of an unfortunate GIF.
AS LOW AS A CRIPPLED CRICKET'S ASS: That's how low Jerry Jones said he felt after Romo's injury. We conducted an investigation to figure out exactly how low that is.
POSTERIOR, TUCHUS, DERRIERE: Gene Steratore refused to say the word "butt" over his mic and we demand to know why.
ET TU TROY? Even Troy Aikman couldn't hold back his contempt for the level of football being played in Cowboys-Eagles.