The Russian Junior Hockey Team Is Too Crunk For The Friendly Skies

The Russian National Team won the World Junior Championships last night, scoring five goals on a stunned Canadian team in the 3rd period to take the title back to Moscow. Russians can get pretty excited. In fact, they're sort of terrifying about it.

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via www.mocksession.com

To take the trophy home they needed to get back to Moscow. That involves getting from their hotel, and onto a bus, and then onto a plane. Accidents can really delay a trip home, especially when your whole bus collides with a wall made of booze.

HEEKTOWAGA, NY - Members of Team Russia were kicked off their flight early Thursday morning.

According to police, the players were thrown off of a Delta flight scheduled to leave Buffalo-Niagara International Airport because members of the team were intoxicated.

The official statement from Delta says 30 passengers were prohibited from boarding to maintain safe operation of the flight. As someone who's been drunk on airplanes quite a bit, I will say this: you have to insane orbital death laser drunk to be prevented from boarding a plane. You have to be coughing up barstools and breathing pure aerosol bourbon. You have to be so drunk passengers are getting drunk by simply being within ten feet of you. It's hard to do. 

In good news for Russia, if even the teen team for Russian hockey is pulling down metals and getting thrown off flights for outrageous drunkenness, let's hear some theme music, since this can mean only one thing: the big bear's back, baby! Party like it's 1922, because our great international Other has returned just in time for the remake of Red Dawn. Not a minute too soon, either, since short guys in Members' Only jackets don't really have the same villainous charisma as a Siberian killing machine like Nikolai Volkoff.

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