What Happens When An NHL Mullet Isn't Grown Properly? Mullet Wars!

The Chicago Blackhawks' Patrick Kane is one of the NHL's biggest superstars, but apparently not everyone's a fan. Enter Tanner Glass, a winger from the Vancouver Canucks who pretty much exists to whoop ass. Of the 90 photos of Glass in SB Nation's photo tool, half look like this:

Tannerglass_medium

So, pretty much: He's a goon. But there's dignity in being an NHL goon. There's a mystique. There's a code. There's a brotherhood. And if Patrick Kane thinks he can just grow a goon-ish mullet as a joke, well... He's sorely mistaken. From the Chicago Tribune:

"It's embarrassing," Glass said. "He kind of mocks the mullet. I'm not too pleased with that to be honest. I don't think there are rules, but when you do it for a few months and then you cut it off, that’s kind of mocking it. I'd respect him more if he had it year-round."

Did someone just scream MULLET WAR?

Maybe that was me.

A pretty boy like Patrick Kane wants no part of this, of course:

"I'm actually kind of using mine as a joke, so if he's insulted, you can tell him it's a joke," Kane said. "It's something I did at first just to get a little bit of a rise out of the boys on my team. It seemed like it kind of worked last year, so I had to bring it back. Not making fun of him. Just trying to get a laugh out of the boys."

But that's just the problem. He's mocking a hallowed hockey tradition. For someone like Tanner Glass, the mullet is an ethos. For Kane, it's a fad. Like a hipster who wears a trucker hat to be ironic. So what happens when a hipster in a trucker hat meets an actual trucker?

Well, Blackhawks-Canucks is tonight, and the puck drops at 10 pm.

PREPARE FOR (MULLET) WAR.

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