How The Taiwanese See NHL Violence: Somebody Get Raffi Torres Swimming Lessons

Yes, the NHL has received the Taiwanese animation treatment. This is what happens when you let suspensions and violence distract from the Stanley Cup Playoffs, Mr. Shanahan.

We've gotta say, though: Their take is a bit interesting. And hilarious.

Things we've learned from Taiwan:

• Scott Hartnell and um ... Phil Kessel (?) apparently murdered some 90's-era Penguins. Organs flew into the stands, and the fans loved it.
• Arron Asham was going after Brayden Schenn's Adam's apple when he attacked him in Game 3. Or maybe Schenn was choking on an apple and Asham was trying to help. Yeah, that's probably it. (Oh, and he's actually a Penguin, apparently. That explains a lot.)
• Okay, seriously: How awesome would it be if Shanny stepped out onto the ice with a whistle and held up a big suspension card after each illegal incident?
• Raffi Torres is the captain of the Coyotes, and he cannot swim. Also, murder.

This video almost makes the epidemic of violence worth it. Almost.