My name is Vincent Viola, and I'm the chairman, governor and owner of the NHL's Florida Panthers. I am writing to CONGRATULATE YOU on the fabulous prize you've just won: two nights in a hotel in beautiful Sunrise, Fla., two tickets to a Panthers home game with food vouchers*, and two Panthers player t-shirts**!
I know what you're thinking: this is too good to be true! Let me tell you, it isn't. NO TRICKS, NO GIMMICKS.
This prize package, which carries a cash value of almost $178, is available to you for only a $26 processing fee and a few hours of your time. Sounds like a great deal, right?
To redeem your prize, simply make your deposit using a major credit card and present your special code: HUBERDEAU at the Panthers home arena, the BB&T Center in Sunrise, at the arrival date printed on the enclosed postcard.
At the BB&T Center, you will be invited to attend a FUN AND INTERACTIVE presentation about an EXCITING OPPORTUNITY that has never before offered to hockey fans.
For the first time, visitors will be able to own room inside the BB&T Center***!
Imagine! Instead of looking high and low for a place to stay when coming to a Panthers game, you can OWN YOUR OWN SPACE right in the BB&T Center. No more hotels, no more crashing at a friend's place, no more sleeping on the beach, and no more paying full price for a home you'll only use a few days out of the year.
We'll help you find a space that's perfect for your needs. Two cozy seats in the lower bowl to sleep on? You got it. Janitor's closet with a slop sink? It's yours. Luxury box with a working mini-fridge for the family? No problem. Single cot behind a concession stand? Of course. We've got all the room you want waiting right here.
For a series of small, non-refundable annual payments****, you can OWN A PART OF THE ARENA and visit the Florida Panthers every year without a hassle. Select a block of time (based on the available slots), and your reserved room at the BB&T Center will be ready whenever you are.
By attending this AMAZING PRESENTATION, you'll get a full tour of the BB&T Center, complimentary snacks and drinks, games for the kids and MEET AND GREET TWO PANTHERS PLAYERS*****. After the tour, you'll be able to select the space that will be YOURS TO OWN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE******.
The BB&T Center is the preeminent entertainment venue in South Florida. The state-of-the-art, 19,250-seat arena is nestled in the heart of downtown Sunrise, sits within walking distance of nightlife, shopping and restaurants, and offers some of the best and most majestic views of any NHL arena in the southern United States. In addition to Panthers games, circuses, wrestling and some of today's biggest musical acts, the BB&T Center will also host the 2015 NHL Draft.
You may have heard the recent news that the Panthers are trying to renegotiate their lease with Broward County. While this is true, the team is the most STABLE it has ever been. Take it from me -- I'm the owner.
I've given our general manager, Dale Tallon, the green light to increase the team's payroll to the upper limits of the NHL's salary cap. Very soon, the Florida Panthers' young stars and veteran warriors will be true contenders for the STANLEY CUP and we want YOU to watch it happen.
But to take advantage of this UNBELIEVABLE offer you need to ACT TODAY. DO NOT WAIT! Space is very, VERY LIMITED and other families are READY TO POUNCE. Call to accept your invitation RIGHT NOW.
So what are you waiting for? You don't want to miss this ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME OFFER. The Florida Panthers can't wait to see you at the BB&T Center this year and EVERY YEAR.
Vincent J. Viola
MUST BE 21 YEARS OR OLDER, HAVE A MAJOR CREDIT CARD AND LIKE THROWING MONEY AWAY ON LOST CAUSES TO PARTICIPATE.
* - Selected food items only. Does not include beer or Dippin' Dots.
** - Kris Versteeg t-shirts only.
*** - Panthers season tickets not included with BB&T Center residence.
**** - The "small" payments include maintenance fees, legal fees, parking fees, convenience fees, utilities fees and other fees to be determined later.
****** - You won't actually own the BB&T Center. We will still own the arena. You'll just be giving us more money.
This is a satire. The BB&T Center is not a timeshare property. Please don't try to sleep there.