Soccer Boot Fascism Is Required In These Difficult Times

Have you been concerned about the worrying levels of debt taken on by top flight clubs? Do you find leveraged buy-outs and spending hundred of millions on players alarming? Are you not entirely comfortable with £35, £40, and £50M transfer fees? Well then you've totally missed the point. The real evil in modern football? Boots. Boots with colours.

Neon green. Purple. Red. White. Pink. This scourge of football, perpetrated by flashy players, has ruined matches, relationships, and quite possibly lives. Several observers were reported to have been driven to drink by the Nike Mercurial Vapor (TM) series, whose hideous blend of iridescents appears to be in violation of the Geneva convention.

But fear not, friends! At long last, teams are beginning to take a stand! Everton, Manchester United and others are taking steps to stamp out the ruinous culture of coloured-booting at the source: The villainous youths themselves. No longer will they be allowed to peddle their filth at either club's academy. Proper attire will be instead provided.

It seems that our long international nightmare may finally be coming to a close.

Ed. Note: It has been discovered that author wears white football boots with red trim. The tart.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Spinner

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.