Reason No. 1 USA Must Defeat Canada: Nickelback

The United States and Canada may share a border, but there is some animosity between the two countries. The Canucks are routinely blamed by Americans, well, because they can be blamed. Canada is called America's top hat and the place above the cool loft party, while the Canadians fire back with...nothing. They're too nice to fire barbs back. So why is there so much animosity? There isn't, but there should be heading into tonight's Gold Cup Group C match between the U.S. and Canada and it should be the Americans who are upset.

Canada pretends to be passive, without their army and their Mounties. They don't have nuclear weapons either, but that's because they've already dropped their bomb. They did something worse than any other country could ever do. They gave the world Nickelback.

Nickelback. Reason number one that the U.S. must defeat Canada tonight. Reason number two. Nickelback is reason number one, there doesn't need to be a reason number two. Tonight, the world unites behind the red, white and blue in the fight against the worst attack any country has ever launched on the world.

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