In one of the worst matches ever played at the highest level of international football, Paraguay have managed to progress to the final of the 2011 Copa America, where they will face Uruguay, after defeating Venezuela 5-3 on penalty kicks. The game ended 0-0 after 120 minutes, and the lack of ambition that Paraguay showed in committing numbers forward and attempting to win the game was astonishing. It was so negative that Helenio Herrera would be mortified. You know, if he wasn't already dead.
Paraguay's Jonathan Santana was shown a second yellow card and sent off in the 102nd minute, which somehow had absolutely no bearing on the game, as Paraguay were just putting everyone behind the ball and passing sideways anyway. Venezuela tried to do something for the remainder of the match due to their players having a pulse, but they were unsuccessful in their attempts to score a goal.
Proving that there is no god and that karma is absolute nonsense, Paraguay won the penalty shootout. They are now in the final of Copa America despite the fact that they have not won a single game in the tournament. They have led for a total of 54 minutes over the course of five games, two of which went to extra time.
Rumor has it that if Paraguay wins the final on penalties, Sepp Blatter will attempt to cancel football.