It's Europa League qualifying time, which means that there are about three million matches between a combined twenty million syllables worth of teams. Obviously, we'd need two Kevin McCauleys to cover all of that, and since we only have one and he's busy, we're not even going to be able to scratch the surface (note to self: this is the worst introduction you've ever written).
There are some matches that are bigger than others, though, with all due respect to the epic death match that Vorskla vs. Dinamo Bucuresti will undoubtedly prove to be. Hearts hosts Premier League side Tottenham Hotspur in a battle for Scottish/whatever-nationality-Spurs-are pride at 7:45 GMT, while at the same time Slovakian side Slovan Bratislava take on the might of AS Roma, which is mostly interesting if you happen to be obsessed with Slovak football and the Serie A.
Join us for coverage of those two matches, assuming that we can ever figure out a way to escape from the maze-like confines of the Europa League fixture list. People have died in there, I understand.