International friendlies recap: It's all about Zlatan, really

Michael Regan

A bunch of international friendlies were played on Wednesday, but one stands out above the rest.

In case you haven't seen Zlatan Ibrahimovic's 35-yard bicycle kick goal yet, holy cats, you need to stop what you're doing right now and go watch it. It's the best goal you're going to see for months, if not years. He should win the Puskas award for the rest of eternity.

Now that I've finished being overly cautious not to bury the lede, here are results from that game and other games that were way less cool.

South Korea 1-2 Australia

The South Koreans have lost two games in a row, EVERYBODY PANIC. Dong-Gook Lee scored the opener after 12 minutes, but South Korea conceded twice at home to a lame Socceroos side, which is sort of embarrassing. Nikita Rukavytsya and Robert Cornthwaite were the scorers for Australia.

Russia 2-2 United States

Mikkel Diskerud and Michael Bradley are shiny golden gods. You can read a full recap of this match right here.

Czech Republic 3-0 Slovakia

Yeesh, Slovakia. This is not a good look. 31-year-old David Lafata finished off this game before it started with two goals in the first six minutes.

Saudi Arabia 0-0 Argentina

The Saudis were the better team in this match. They are not even one of the best ten teams in Asia. Argentina started what was basically their first team, including Lionel Messi. I'm not joking about any of this.

Romania 2-1 Belgium

Besides their loss to the Netherlands, Romania have looked awesome lately. They have some scary good players in their early 20s. Their club teams are playing mostly young, domestic guys right now. I'm already picking them as my team to make a shock run to the knockout stage in Euro 2016.

Chile 1-3 Serbia

This loss got Claudio Borghi canned.

Netherlands 0-0 Germany

I watched this because I thought it would be more interesting than England-Sweden. Related: I'm stupid.

Luxembourg 1-2 Scotland

Serious question: Why didn't Jordan Rhodes sign for a real team? He's obviously way too good for Blackburn.

Italy 1-2 France

Stephan El Shaarawy, who is totally the best Italian player in the world right now and you know it, scored the opener. 'Le Petit Velo' Mathieu Valbuena hauled one back for France, and Bafetimbi Gomis scored the winner. Those are three of the coolest named players in the big five leagues, by the way.

Tunisia 1-2 Switzerland

No one really cares about this game. I just included it to note that Xherdan Shaqiri and Granit Xhaka are the only two players in the big five leagues with cooler names than the three aforementioned players.

Panama 1-5 Spain

I do not understand how Spain picks their friendlies. They are dumb. Also, has any respectable, but not great player in the history of world ever benefited from their teammates more than Pedro Rodriguez? He is the definition of 'adequate'.

Ireland 0-1 Greece

/dumpster fire

Poland 1-3 Uruguay

I might illegally download a replay of this, just because combinations for goals between Luis Suarez and Edinson Cavani are always unfathomably sexy.

Gabon 2-2 Portugal

In case you were wondering how much depth Portugal have, the answer is none.

Sweden 4-2 England

After being serenaded with "you're just a shit Andy Carroll", Zlatan Ibrahimovic decided to score four goals against England. Literally decided, because the only games in which Zlatan doesn't score goals are ones in which he decides not to. If this guy gave any shits at all, he'd be better than Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo combined.

Oh, also, Danny Welbeck and Steven Caulker both scored. That's kind of neat.

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