If you'll excuse me a moment, I need to shake off the fog permeating my brain, a heavy cloud that settled down around the fifteenth minute of this match. It only grew worse after thirty minutes, and by the hour mark, my eyes had closed and I was snoring gently. There may have been a spot of drool involved. But no matter -- I'm fairly sure I didn't miss a single thing.
The match between Juventus and Atalanta was all over by the second minute, when Mirko Vucinic took advantage of the fact that the Atalanta defense had apparently taken an espresso break. The Montenegrin latched on to a through ball from Sebastian Giovinco and had no trouble sending the ball into the bottom right corner. The lack of blue and black shirts made Mirko's goal look simple, which is certainly an unprecedented event.
The visitors very nearly equalized just two minutes later. A mis-hit pass from Luca Marrone allowed German Denis the chance to pounce, but Gianluigi Buffon managed to get a hand on it. That was really the last time Atalanta would threaten.
In the 14th minute, Juventus got their second. Gianpaolo Bellini took out Giovinco, and of course it was Andrea Pirlo who stepped up to take the free kick. The set-piece specialist sent in a gorgeous shot that curled into the top corner, just out of reach of Andrea Consigli. That's his 20th goal from a free kick.
Not even thirty minutes had passed when the Old Lady grabbed their third. Again, the Atalanta defense was nowhere to be found, and Claudio Marchisio was allowed plenty of freedom just outside the area. He sent in a screamer and again, Consigli just couldn't grow the extra inches it would have taken to keep the ball out.
As if a 3-0 lead wasn't discouraging enough to the visitors, Thomas Manfredini lost his mind in the 31st minute. After picking up his first yellow just a minute before, the defender took out Giorgio Chiellini from behind. This foolish maneuver earned him a second yellow, and Atalanta were down to ten.
And then...nothing happened. Sure, Juventus -- or Giovinco, at least -- attempted to add to their goal tally, but somehow it became much more difficult with just ten men to face. Fabio Quagliarella, on for Vucinic, tried some fancy shots, but failed to get on the score sheet.
I, meanwhile, had a lovely dream about pirates, a tall masted ship, and rum.