Alessandro Matri of Juventus FC competes for the ball with Cesare Natali of ACF Fiorentina during the Serie A match between Juventus FC and ACF Fiorentina in Turin, Italy. (Photo by Valerio Pennicino/Getty Images)
Why? Why are we being subjected to this? Mr. Rossi, Mr. Conte, IN. MY. OFFICE. NOW.
Juventus are unbeaten in 27 games. They also have more draws than wins and sit four points behind AC Milan in the race for the Scudetto. In a bid to break the all-time Serie A record for draws in a season, Victor Conte has decided to reinforce every negative stereotype about Italian football while boring everyone to death. It's one hell of a way to throw away a Scudetto.
On Saturday, they face a very winnable game against a struggling Fiorentina team who have slipped all the way down to 15th in the table. One look at their roster, then a look at their record is sure to bring about confusion. Don't worry too much about it. The Viola have just descended into a giant vortex of sucktitude that defies all logic.
Conte will play for a draw, and haters gonna hate. Fiorentina are depending on former Juve laughing stock Amauri to score a goal. This is about as bland and comprehensibly awful as a game between two teams this big could ever hope to be.
Now watch them prove me wrong and score four goals apiece.
Game Date/Time: Saturday, March 17, 3:30 p.m. ET
Venue: Stadio Artemio Franchi, Florence, Italy
TV: FOX Soccer Channel (USA - English), FOX Deportes (USA - Spanish), ESPN (UK)