Ligue 1 2012, Week 32 Preview And Fixtures: Why You'd Almost Think There Was Some Order

DUBAI, UNITED ARAB EMIRATES - JANUARY 04: Javier Pastore of Paris Saint-Germain FC during the Dubai Challenge Cup match between Paris Saint-Germain FC and AC Milan at Al-Rashid Stadium on January 4, 2012 in Dubai, United Arab Emirates. (Photo by Claudio Villa/Getty Images)

This week's Ligue 1 action is the calm before the oncoming storm of title race/European slot/relegation battle insanity, but don't forget that that storm is going to have ball lightning and, like, tornadoes of blood and Carlo Ancelotti sized hail and junk.

Nancy vs. Bordeaux

Sunday, 4/15; 15:00 CET/11:00 AM ET

Nancy is five points shy of 8th placed Bordeaux. In 11th. What? I mean, wizzle-wozzle what?

Pick: Draw, 2-2

Lille vs. Ajaccio

Sunday, 4/15; 15:00 CET/11:00 AM ET

In continuing wizzle-wozzle what, Lille remains in a Champions League spot. I don't know how they've managed to do it, but Lille has taken the silliest path to the good European tour that you could have conjured up. (Assuming they still manage to qualify. Which, whatever. Who knows.)

Pick: Lille, 2-1

Lorient vs. Montpellier

Sunday, 4/15; 15:00 CET/11:00 AM ET

This would be a really great time for Lorient to take revenge on PSG for Kevin Gameiro.

Pick: Montpellier, 3-1

Sochaux vs. Dijon

Sunday, 4/15; 15:00 CET/11:00 AM ET

Sochaux is going to climb out of this godawful abomination of a season and somehow end up a feel-good story. I just know it. Which is fine. I just hope no one forgets how flipping terrible they've been all season.

Pick: Sochaux, 2-1

St. Etienne vs. Brest

Sunday, 4/15; 15:00 CET/11:00 AM ET

People talk about which teams "deserve" to go down all the time, and I've always found that to be really annoying and presumptuous, but after watching Brest all season I think I get it.

Pick: St. Etienne, 1-0

Valenciennes vs. Evian

Sunday, 4/15; 15:00 CET/11:00 AM ET

Either side can functionally secure safety with a win. Neither side will win. That will probably be enough for Evian. How weird.

Pick: Draw, 1-1

Auxerre vs. PSG

Sunday, 4/15; 19:00 CET/3:00 PM ET

You know it sounds silly to say, but I don't know which of these sides is more of a disappointment!

You know why that sounds silly to say? Because it's really dumb. PSG may not win the league; Auxerre is almost certainly going down. Stop it with the stupid false equivalencies, world.

Pick: PSG, 2-0

Rennes vs. Nice

Monday, 4/16; 19:00 CET/3:00 PM ET

The bottom of the Ligue 1 table is like a dolphin's butthole.*

*Water tight!

*Airheads. Oh my god, I did that. Kill me.

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