Houston Dynamo have new jerseys and they're generic, uncreative garbage

New Houston Dynamo 2013-14 Home Jerseys - HoustonDynamo.com - https://twitter.com/HoustonDynamo/status/306116784141004801/photo/1

The Houston Dynamo unveiled their new jerseys today and I'm furious. They've gone from having a unique shirt that could have become an iconic look to having a generic template from the adidas discard pile.

The Houston Dynamo are one of several MLS teams who have either debuted or are in the process of debuting new jerseys for the 2013 season. The Dynamo are getting new home and away shirts and thanks to HoustonDynamo.com we've gotten a good look at them ahead of tonight's official unveiling party.

As the former managing editor of Dynamo Theory I feel I'm appropriately versed in Dynamo lore to comment on these latest jerseys. I'm going to use a lot more words to express my feelings about these new jerseys but I really only need two:

THEY SUCK.

After playing in creative, unique (to the league) and eye-pleasing jerseys for the last two years the Dynamo have been stuck with some of adidas' after-thought templates from the bottom of the creative pile.

LOOK AT IT! IT'S A PLAIN ORANGE JERSEY WITH A COUPLE WHITE GEOMETRIC SHAPES.

Sure the little Texas flag jock tag is a nice touch but that hardly makes up for the fact that this is a generic, unoriginal, boring piece of excrement.

Unless there's something on the back or so small it's not easily seen, the Space City Blue has finally been extinguished from the club's jerseys, something that has been coming as there's been an apparent vendetta against it for years.

Gone is the really unique design set into the orange field of the shirt that made the previous jersey so great. Gone is the collar as well, which is fine even though I like collars on jerseys.

What's left is an orange training top with adidas stripes and a goofy white patch on the neckline and sleeves.

IT'S SO GENERIC IT HURTS. IT'S LIKE THE VERY WORD GENERIC HAS TAKEN A CORPOREAL FORM AND IS CEASELESSLY STABBING ME IN THE EYE WITH AN ORANGE PLASTIC SPOON.

I say spoon because spoons always hurt more (Alan Rickman said so).

Look, I get that you have to cycle jerseys in order to sell more jerseys but that doesn't mean you have to be forced into wearing generic junk. It really makes me wonder how much say the club has in jersey design or if they are simply at the whims of MLS HQ and whomever adidas assigns to the project. It's as if for the previous jerseys the Dynamo got a senior jersey designer and this time around they got Mr. Magoo or an intern who is double majoring in engineering and geometry.

If the Dynamo were heavily involved and thought this was a good idea, shame on you. Overall sales may prove my feelings wrong but then again, die hard soccer fans tend to buy whatever apparel comes out.

In addition, don't give me any, "it would look better with a shirt sponsor" nonsense either. That won't help one bit. This is a training top at best. This is the kind of shirt your local pub team wears because they like orange and/or it was really cheap in a sports gear catalog...BECAUSE IT'S UGLY.

Maybe I'm overreacting. I'm confident there will be plenty of people out there who like this kit but I'm sorry, you're wrong. It's awful, it's the worst jersey the club has had since moving to Houston and 2015 cannot get here fast enough.

A JERSEY IS MAKING ME WISH MY LIFE AWAY.

Follow @SBNationSoccer on Twitter | Like SB Nation Soccer on Facebook

More in Soccer:

David De Gea and acceptable imperfection.

Barcelona, Real Madrid fight for a spot in the Copa del Rey final

DFB-Pokal resumes Tuesday

Swansea lifts the League Cup

Palermo’s managerial antics continue

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.