San Marino have scored seven goals in their last 50 games. They have conceded 200. All were losses, and they are joint-bottom of the FIFA rankings of international countries. In other words, England are playing against a team of amateurs in a match that will not be a contest.
We know how these things go by now. England try to keep a straight face while talking of respecting their opponents, and the commentators tell us which one is a bank clerk and which one is a plumber as England bash in 8 or 9 goals. England regulars get a chance to boost their goalscoring records, and a few new players probably get tried out too.
Injury problems at centre-back mean that a slightly unlikely player will be picked in defence. Chris Smalling, Joleon Lescott, Steven Taylor and Steven Caulker are the options, but there has been talk of Michael Carrick starting there, a role he has occasionally played for Manchester United (but only when no proper centre-backs were available.)
Whatever happens, England will win easily, score lots of goals, and ultimately learn nothing. There really is little of interest to see here: this game is for die-hard England fans or sadomasochists only.
Match Date / Time: Friday, March 22 at 9 p.m. local, 8 p.m. BST, 3 p.m. ET
Venue: Stadio Olimpico, Serravalle, San Marino
TV: ESPN 3 (U.S.), ITV1, UTV (U.K.), Sportsnet One (Canada)