Germany vs. Portugal, 2014 World Cup: An absolute mauling by Die Mannschaft

Monday was an absolute nightmare for Portugal. They lost two players to injury, another to suspension, and went down 4-0 to Germany.

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The World Cup needs more violent soccer



Pick your nose, rub it on Cristiano

Jogi Löw, international hero.


Portugal start their World Cup off with a meltdown

One game, one utterly horrendous implosion. Unless they can turn things around quickly, Portugal's World Cup campaign could be over before it's even begun.


Germany demolish 10-man Portugal

Germany started their World Cup with a shock 4-0 thrashing of Portugal, after defender Pepe was sent off in the first half.


Hop on the Beat 'em down express

Thomas Müller has scored three goals and is well on his way to winning yet another World Cup golden boot, of which he will surely have four by the time his career ends. It doesn't matter if Miroslav Klose breaks Ronaldo's goals record at this World Cup, because Müller will go on to shatter it.



Hummels off, this is a bloodbath

Portugal and Germany are losing players left and right. The Portuguese have already lost three -- Hugo Almeida and Fabio Coentrao to injury, as well as Pepe to a red card suspension -- and now Germany have lost one of their own. Mats Hummels has injured his left knee, and could not put any weight on his leg as he was carried off the pitch.

Defense has been a bit of a problem area for Germany. Not necessarily central defense, where Hummels plays, but fullback. They have no depth at the position and have been forced to move Philipp Lahm into midfield due to injuries there. They started this game with four center backs, and will keep playing four center backs -- Shkodran Mustafi has taken Hummels' place, and might play right back even though he never plays there.

This is all very good for fans of the United States, but it's a shame so many good players are going down.


Coentrao off injured

An absolute disaster for Portugal just got a whole lot worse. Hugo Almeida has picked up an injury, Pepe has been sent off and now it looks like they'll be down a third player for their game against the United States, with Fabio Coentrao going down injured. His injury was bad enough that he couldn't leave under his own power, and he was crying as he was taken off on a stretcher.

We won't know exactly what Coentrao injured until later, but he grabbed the inside of his left thigh. And it's probably not a mere muscle pull, given how much pain he was in and that he was unable to leave under his own power.

Andre Almeida replaced Coentrao, and while he's certainly a capable backup, there's a big dropoff. Coentrao is genuinely world class and Almeida is simply a very capable backup player. He's a bit worse than Coentrao at literally everything.


What does Meireles think about the red card?

Raul Meireles is the best. More from Germany vs. Portugal


Müller makes it 3-0

Once Pepe was shown a red card, this game was bound to get ugly for Portgual. It has, with Thomas Müller scoring his second goal of the game and Germany's third of the day. The defending here is, like it was for the other goals, very bad.


Portugal have been awful. Really, none of Germany's three goals have been impressive. We're not trying to be negative, but this is more a case of Portugal beating themselves than Germany doing anything to deserve a 3-0 lead.


Pepe sent off for headbutting a dude on the ground

Are you familiar with Pepe, the Portugal and Real Madrid center back? He's a crazy person and gets red cards for being crazy all the time. So when Thomas Müller went down easily off a hand to the face from the big Portuguese defender, a lot of people saw this coming.

For that headbutt, he's been shown a red card, and Portugal are about to get blown out. They're already down two goals and their starting striker got subbed off injured.


Hummels makes it 2-0 Germany

Well, this is going poorly for Portugal. They conceded a penalty early and they've given up another bad goal, to Mats Hummels on a corner. Germany haven't been hurt at all by their injuries and makeshift lineup -- they're cruising.

Here's Hummels' header. It's a good one, but eeek, this is bad defending and goalkeeping.


It's 2-0 Germany, and Cristiano Ronaldo has barely touched the ball. Could this be a blowout?


Almeida off, Eder on

Things aren't going well for Portugal. They're down a goal, and they've just suffered another setback with starting striker Hugo Almeida picking up an injury. It's not clear exactly what he hurt, but he limped off the pitch in the 28th minute and the physios didn't wait to see if he could continue. He sat down on the bench immediately.

He's been replaced by Eder, who's never been able to translate his good play at club level into success for Portugal. He's been excellent over the last two seasons at Braga, but has no goals in his eight appearances for Portugal.


Germany lead off a penalty

Germany and Portugal have been off to a pretty chaotic, back and forth start in their Group G match, but it's the Germans who have struck first. They're up 1-0 from the penalty spot, thanks to this bad foul by Joao Pereira on Mario Götze.

Pereira, normally very reliable for Portugal, has been off to an awful start. He's badly mis-hit a couple crosses and been caught out of position on another occasion. It's about as bad of an opening 10 minutes as anyone could have.

Here's the finish from Thomas Müller, who might end up with another Golden Boot if he's the man taking Germany's penalties.



Portugal-Germany features some SUPERB facial hair

This is Raul Meireles:


And this is Hugo Almeida:


And those are some fine pieces of facial hair


Germany vs. Portugal: Lineups

Two World Cup giants face off as Group G action commences. Here are the lineups for Germany vs. Portugal.


How to watch Germany vs. Portugal

Germany play Portugal on Monday as two World Cup contenders get the Group G action underway.


Germany and Ronaldo to enter the stage

This game sees two late arrivals everybody's desperate to see: one of the best teams in the world, and the best player in the world finally make their entrance in the 2014 World Cup.


Can Ronaldo slay the German giant?

After Spain-Holland, it's hard to predict anything anymore, but it would be a surprise if Germany weren't to replicate their excellent form of 2010.

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