More photos » by Elise Amendola - AP

Boston Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein, right, discussing his dastardly schemes of world domination. (AP Photo/Elise Amendola; Caption by E.Coli)

Browse more photos »

Boston, MA (OTM) - In a shocking move, earlier today Red Sox General Manager Theo Epstein announced the signings of Jason Bay, Matt Holliday and the Florida Marlins.

In a press conference beamed from his secret volcano lair, Epstein spoke to reporters.

"With these acquisitions, the Red Sox are in an excellent position to compete for the 2010 World Series," Epstein declared, gently stroking his white Persian cat. "I am confident that we have improved our team over both the short-term and long-term, and that these deals will continue to pay dividends."

"Mwhahahahahahahaha!" Epstein added.

Holliday and Bay were the top free agent left fielders, joining new Red Sox Marco Scutaro and John Lackey. The Florida Marlins are the lowest-payroll team in baseball, featuring such stars as Hanley Ramirez, Josh Johnson and Dan Uggla.

"Together with Theo and his compatriots in SOXTER (Special Office for Xtreme Takeovers and Evil Reorganizations), we saw the Marlins as a vulnerable and underutilized asset," said Red Sox President Larry Lucchino. "It made too much sense to buy them out. We're just waiting for the Commissioner's signature to authorize the deal."

The videoconference turned to another room, where MLB Commissioner Bud Selig was strapped to a table.

"I suppose you expect me to talk," said Selig, as Epstein's high-powered laser bore down on him.

"No, Mr. Selig, I expect you to sign," said newly appointed Sox executive, Shaughnessyfinger.

The acquisition of the Marlins included the entire team administration, roster, farm system, stadium, and all six of the team's season ticket holders. Residents of Florida were surprised by the deal.

"We had a baseball team?" said Rob Jones, a passionate Florida sports fan. "Is that kind of like a cross between football and basketball?"

Continue reading this post »

More photos » by Mark J. Terrill - AP

4 days ago: FILE- In this Oct. 22, 2009 photo, Los Angeles Angels' John Lackey throws during the first inning of Game 5 of the American League Championship baseball series against the New York Yankees in Anaheim, Calif. Lackey and the Boston Red Sox have reached a tentative agreement on a five-year contract, according to media reports. Lackey, the top pitcher on the free-agent market after eight seasons with the Angels, was in Boston for a physical on Monday, Dec. 14, 2009, according to reports. His addition would give the Red Sox a strong rotation that includes Josh Beckett and Jon Lester. (AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

Browse more photos »

If you're a Red Sox fan, it's hard not to like Theo Epstein. Sure, maybe not all his deals pan out, but how critical can you be of the man who led the Sox to two World Series titles. For Theophiles, there's a tendency to look at every deal as a brilliant coup. Which is why I'm looking at the Lackey deal, and the proposed trades that might result from it, very closely.

Signing Lackey is an exciting move - he's the best free agent starter on the market, and getting him makes our rotation more intimidating for 2010. And yet, I HATE this deal.

Let's be clear about this: Lackey is good, not great. His career FIP is 3.83; by comparison, Beckett's is 3.61, Sabathia's is 3.59, and Halladay's is 3.47. A more comparable player is A. J. Burnett, whose FIP is also 3.83, although Burnett is a better strikeout pitcher (career 8.37 K / 9, vs. Lackey's 7.2 K / 9). For this, we would commit over $16 million a year to Lackey, for five years, making him the highest-paid player on the team (until Beckett gets extended).

Furthermore, there are strong indications that Lackey won't provide much value over the course of his contract. Matthew Carruth at Fangraphs lists two big reasons to be concerned about Lackey: health (Lackey only averaged 170 innings the past two years) and declining stats (higher walk rates, fewer K's). I'm not terribly distressed by his health, but more walks and fewer Ks are very worrisome, especially when Lackey wasn't the best strikeout pitcher to begin with. Lackey may be worth his $16 million in years 1 and 2 of the deal, but years 3, 4 and 5 could be quite ugly.

I think this move is more about hurting the Yankees and Angels. Lackey made great sense for the Yanks, who need another starter to join Pettitte. The Angels suffer even more, especially now that Halladay and Lee are both off the market. However, beyond 2010 both teams can recover, especially by dipping into the next free agent pool (which has Webb). So for one year of pain for the LAA of A and NYY, the Sox are taking on an expensive, declining free agent. [Click Continue Reading for why this deal doesn't fit Theo's M.O., and possible trade implications.]

Continue reading this post »

More photos » by Charles Krupa - AP

8 days ago: FILE - In this April 25, 2009, file photo, Boston Red Sox Mike Lowell pumps his fist as he runs down the first-base line after hitting a three-run home against the New York Yankees in a baseball game at Fenway Park in Boston. The Boston Red Sox are discussing a trade that would send 2007 World Series MVP Mike Lowell to the Texas Rangers. (AP Photo/Charles Krupa, File)

Browse more photos »

UPDATE, 12/13 @ 12:53 pm: Peter Abraham of the Boston Globe writes that the deal is being held up by Mike Lowell's right thumb, which the Rangers are still examining; they feel his right hip is healthy. Abraham confirms the money going to Texas would be $9 million.

UPDATE, 12/11 @ 9:18 am: Rob Bradford writes that it could be 2-3 days before the deal is consummated. The money going to Texas appears to be $9 million (of Lowell's $12 million salary).

According to Tony Massarotti of the Boston Globe, the Boston Red Sox have agreed to trade Mike Lowell to the Texas Rangers for the catching prospect Max Ramirez. Money issues have been resolved, but the deal could still go south if Lowell doesn't clear the Rangers' medical evaluation. No word on the amount Texas is getting.

Feel free to freak out in the comments.

More photos » by Frank Gunn - AP

Was Marco Scutaro signed because he was the best option, or because Theo was impressed by his ability to levitate? (AP photo/The Canadian Press,Frank Gunn; caption by E.coli)

Browse more photos »

Ah ! well a-day ! what evil looks
Had I from old and young !
Instead of the cross, the Albatross
About my neck was hung.
- Samuel Taylor Coleridge,
"The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" (1798)

These days, Theo Epstein might feel like he's carrying an albatross around his neck - a carcass composed of his abortive efforts to fill the shortstop position. The Scutaro signing, which Randy has optimistically analyzed over here, is an attempt to chuck the bird off his chest, but it seems likely to backfire, just as the Lugo and Renteria acquisitions did.

I've already detailed why I think Marco Scutaro is a bad signing. How his career numbers, on both offense and defense, were worse than Julio Lugo's when Theo signed him. But worst of all, it doesn't seem to fit the modern Red Sox strategy. [CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR MORE.]

Continue reading this post »

More photos » by Brian Blanco - AP

Is this the man you want jumping onboard? (AP Photo/Brian Blanco; caption by E.coli.)

Browse more photos »

If Theo Epstein has a failing, it would be the shortstop position. Ever since the Nomar trade, the Sox have struggled to balance offense and defense at the position. 2005 saw Edgar Renteria and his 32 errors, 2006 saw Alex Gonzalez, who batted poorly and missed a fourth of the season to injury, and 2007 inaugurated the Julio Lugo era, which ended with his mid-season trade last year. Turning to the farm system, Theo tried Jed Lowrie out in 2008, and he impressed in his debut season, driving in runs and playing solid defense, all while playing through a wrist injury. Unfortunately, Lowrie was not healthy this season, only appearing in 32 games.

Throughout the past season, shortstop was anchored by the fill-ins Nick Green and Alex Gonzalez, who both played impressive defense. But Gonzalez is gone, and Green's status is uncertain.

All of which brings us, and seemingly every baseball commentator, to Marco Scutaro, the top free agent shortstop on the market. This past season was his best ever offensively, with an impressive .379 on-base percentage, and he played league average defense (0.9 UZR); if anything, he seems like the natural choice to fill Boston's SS gap. He even wants to play in Boston.

So why isn't he the right man for the job? Read on for the reasons why Scutaro is not the answer to Theo's shortstop dilemma.

Continue reading this post »

More photos » by Paul J. Bereswill - AP

2 months ago: Boston Red Sox Alex Gonzalez reacts to striking out against the New York Yankees in the fifth inning of a baseball game at Yankee Stadium in New York, Friday, Sept. 25, 2009. (AP Photo/Paul J. Bereswill)

Browse more photos »

According to Ken Rosenthal (citing a major league source), Alex Gonzalez has signed with the Toronto Blue Jays. Gonzalez, best known for being a shortstop who can hit over .111, play great defense (18.3 UZR/150 for Boston last year), and avoid crippling injury, signed for one year, $2.75 million (according to MLB's Jordan Bastian).

Assuming the report is true, and Hanley Ramirez isn't around the corner, this leaves the weight of the Red Sox infield resting on Jed Lowrie's sclerotic shoulders. Will the hemophilic hypochondriac be able to stand the pressure? Only time will tell. Thankfully, there are a lot of great hospitals in Boston.

Update: According to Tony Massarotti at the Boston Globe, Boston was prepared to offer $3 million for Gonzalez's services, but wanted to explore deals with other free agents (Scutaro?) first. Obviously, Gonzo wasn't willing to wait.

More photos » by Hannah Foslien - AP

25 days ago: FILE - This is an Aug. 13, 2009, file photo showing Minnesota Twins' Joe Mauer hitting a three-run homer against the Kansas City Royals in the fifth inning of a baseball game in Minneapolis. Mauer has become only the second catcher in 33 years to win the American League Most Valuable Player Award, Monday, Nov. 23, 2009.(AP Photo/Hannah Foslien, File)

Browse more photos »

Ladies and gentlemen, your BWAA Most Valuable Player is Joe Mauer. With all the wealth and recognition from this award, he should be able to finally buy some consonants for his last name (or at least donate the surplus vowels to Eastern Europe). The BWAA deserves props for making the right choice, as Mauer is clearly the best player in the American league, and, by extension, in the game. His .365 / .444 / .587 line led the league in AVG, OBP, and SLG, and he suddenly became a huge power hitter, clobbering 28 homers (previous high was 13 in '06).

Unfortunately, the BWAA's choices for the rest of the slots, 1-10, were less defensibly. Mark Teixeira and Derek Handbag as 2nd and 3rd? Miguel Cabrera (4th) with a 1st place vote?! Kevin "The Beard" Youkilis and Jason "I'm Too Good for $15 mil a year" Bay as low as 6th and 7th? The Yankees committed over $420 million in payroll to just three players this past offseason - the only MVP votes should be going to the Steinbrenner's checkbook. Detroit didn't even make the playoffs (although they were close to making them). Morales was a good choice, but not ahead of Youkilis.

But enough of my thoughts? How would you have voted if you were one of the brilliant, chosen people who compose the BWAA? Have at it in the comments!

Because Baseball Traditionalists are a cowardly and superstitious lot, I will become an icon of fear. I take up the mantle of the Stat. For I... am Learning. I... am the Math. I... am STATMAN!

See the continuing adventures of Statman and Divisor, his trusted companion, as the Formulaic Duo! Tonight they face their greatest foe yet, the Scioscier!!

Divisor: Leaping limits, Statman! Someone's crashed World of Warcraft! WoW's an integral part of my life - I don't know what else I'd do on Friday nights after working hard at school. I might have to take that hot chick Betty to a movie like she keeps asking me to!
Statman: Worry not, chum. We'll save WoW, protect you from a social life, and get you back to leveling your undead mage by Midnight! To the Statmobile!

[Statman and Divisor drive to the scene of the crime.]

Commissioner Selig: As you can see, Statman, someone turned off the servers, and then arranged them into this pattern...

[Statman looks at the toppled servers, his superior sabermetric skills at work.]

Statman: Radii... circumference... Great Scott! It looks like a circle... But wait... there's nothing inside it. It looks more like... [gasp] a Halo!... But who could have committed this nefarious deed?

[With a high-pitched laugh, a caped conspirator appears on a ledge above them. A flash of lightning illuminates his fearsome figure!]

Scioscier: It is I, Statman, your newest, greatest foe - the Scioscier!
Divisor: Querulous Quotient, Statman! He looks just like John McCain!
Scioscier: Hahahaha! You stand no chance against me! I will rule the night, and you will rue the day! My speedy minions will destroy you! Attack Aybar, Scone and Abreu!

[Three lithe delinquents dart onto the scene, menacing Statman.]

Statman: You forgot to factor something into your equation - Statarangs! They'll cross multiply your problems!

[He tosses Plus Sign Shurikens at the malcontents, knocking them out.]

Divisor: Divide and conquer! Ha!
Scioscier: You may have bested my speedsters, but you'll never defeat, The LACKEY!

[The ground thunders as Statman and Divisor turn to see a massive, bloated form emerge from the shadows.]

Divisor: Suffering sequential sets, Statman! That monster is growing exponentially!
Statman: Then we'll just have to get to the Square Root of the problem! Statman to Statmobile - fire the Log Gun!

KABLAMO!!!!

[The LACKEY shrinks to a height of two feet.]

Divisor: Nice work, Statman. Now, he's just a fraction of himself!
Scioscier: Rats! You may have foiled me today, but I'll best you next offseason! ... All I need is more speedy centerfielders!!!

[The Scioscier shrinks away, as the Formulaic Duo turn on the servers again. Meanwhile, Commissioner Selig comes out from hiding.]

Selig: You've saved us, Statman! How can I ever thank you?
Statman: It was nothing, Commissioner. Although... you could contribute some money to Bruce NotStatman's Excel Spreadsheets for Tots Foundation - I hear they do good work. But in the meantime, as long as there is someone menacing the sport of baseball, or the world of MMORPGs, I'll be at the ready!
Divisor: That reminds me, I should cancel that date with Betty tonight. I really want to do that new Isle of the Burning Pelicans quest!
Statman: [patting his enormous, engorged chest] Hahaha! That's the way, lad. To the stat-mobile! I bet my Paladin can PK you any day!

THE END.

Or is it? Tune in next week to find out!

[Stop. Please read this before proceeding... NANANANANA, STATMAN!... Done? Now read on.]

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the story you are about to read is true. Only the words have been changed to protect the innocent."

[Cue Dragnet intro music.]

Hi Fans,

I decided to create this post simply so that I could understand it, as opposed to complicatedly, which is hard to understand... I mean so that there is no more whining from either side of the so-called Red Sox Yankees rivalry. The numbers listed below are facts and not opinions:

YANKEEZ Numberz of teh RINGZ: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, (yo bra, what's after 21?!)... 22... 23... 24... 25... 26... 27... 27 RINGZ!!!! SPOONED!

RED SUX RINGZ: 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 7 RINGZ! awfulolzomgesundheit!

NUMBRE OF YEARZ AS LARGEST PAYROLL IN MLB: ALL OF THEM!

AMOUNT COMMITTED TO 3 FREE AGENTS IN 2008-09 OFFSEASON TO WIN THE WORLD SERIES: $423.5 million ($161 mil C C Sandwichia, $180 mil Teixeira, $82.5 mil Burnett).

NUMBER OF SHINY TEETH IN DEREK JETER'S FACE: 33!

NUMBER OF SHINY STARS ON DEREK JETER'S REPORT CARD: 200!

NUMBER OF TIMES I FANTASISE ABOUT DEREK JETER IN TEH SHOWER: [redacted - the Mgt.]

NUMBER OF TIMES WE YANKEE FANS IGNORED THE GREATEST CHOKE IN PLAYOFF HISTORY: Every.

NUMBER OF TIMES WE YANKEE FANS IGNORED THE TEAM DURING THE FIRST HALF OF TEH SEASON, WHEN THEY SUCKED: A lot.

NUMBER OF CURSES AND INSULTS UTTERED TO A RED SOX CLOSER AND HIS WIFE ON THE STREETS OF NEW YORK: 1,362 (Hat tip - Rasmussen polling.)

NUMBER OF NEW YORK'S FINEST RIOT POLICE MASSING ON THE FIELD TO PROTECT PLAYERS FROM AN ANGRY MOB IN THE 2004 ALCS: Several hundred.

How is this a rivalry?

In addition ungrammaticalcomma to the numbers listed above where'sacommawhenyouneedone the 2009 Yankees had the best record of any World Series winner this decade!! Which is much more awesome than sweeping two World Series, or coming back from being down 3-1 in one series, and 3-0 in another! Or competing with $70 million less in payroll!

Hats off to the WORLD CHAMPEEN New York Yankees, so that we can collect change from passersby and maybe one day afford a ticket to see them!

More photos » by Lynne Sladky - ASSOCIATED PRESS

What role will Jeremy Hermida have with the Sox? (AP Photo/Lynne Sladky)

Browse more photos »

After Tuesday's trade with the fabulous floundering fish, the Florida Marlins, the Red  Sox have a new outfielder, Jeremy Hermida. This unexpected deal raises the question of what role he'll have on the team.

Hermida was a forner top prospect who has largely disappointed in the bigs. His best year was without doubt 2007: .296 / .369 / .501 (.870 OPS), 18 HR, 32 doubles in 123 games. Unfortunately, Hermida's star has fallen significantly since then, along with his OPS, which was .729 in '08 and .740 this year. Defensively, Hermida is not impressive, with a career -26.7 UZR, mostly in right field. In left, his numbers aren't very impressive, and he's spent almost no time in center.

My initial thought was that the Sox wanted Hermida as a bench player / 4th outfielder or as a piece for a trade. But Theo's remarks yesterday suggest they see something more:

"Hermida is a player who hasn’t fulfilled his potential yet. We acquired him today for a reasonable cost to see if he might be able to fulfill that potential with us. He’s somebody who has positive indicators that future performance might be better than his past performance. His minor-league track record, his age, his draft pedigree, our scouting reports over the year indicate there’s a chance that he can turn into the player he was once thought to be."  Source

Maybe the Front Office thinks they can bottle lightning with Hermida. Theo has gambled on high ceiling position players before - think Wily Mo Pena or David Ortiz. Assuming Theo is high on Hermida, hopefully he's still looking at outfielders, because otherwise Hermida is going to be under a lot of pressure to replace Jason Bay's production. Holliday or Bay,or leaving a horse head in Andrew Friedman's bed and grabbing Crawford, should be the Red Sox plan for LF this year.