SB Nation User Blog: 12sharks

Official 2009-2010 Schedule Drawer

12sharks — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 17:34:06 -0000

Hey all, I'm much more interested in hearing your analysis than offering my own, so I thought I'd open up a general conversation on the newly-released schedule. You can find the link here:

http://www.nba.com/blazers/schedule/

Tue 27	vs Houston American Airlines Arena, Miami, FL	7:00pm
Thu 29	vs Denver	7:30pm
Sat 31	@ Houston	5:30pm
November	Opponent	Time	Local TV	Nat TV	Radio
Sun 01	@ Oklahoma City	4:00pm
Tue 03	vs Atlanta	7:00pm
Fri 06	vs San Antonio	7:30pm
Sun 08	vs Minnesota	6:00pm
Tue 10	@ Memphis	5:00pm
Wed 11	@ Minnesota	5:00pm
Fri 13	@ New Orleans	5:00pm
Sat 14	@ Charlotte	4:00pm
Mon 16	@ Atlanta	4:00pm
Wed 18	vs Detroit	7:00pm
Fri 20	@ Golden State	7:30pm
Sat 21	vs Minnesota	7:00pm
Mon 23	vs Chicago	7:00pm
Wed 25	vs New Jersey	7:00pm
Fri 27	vs Memphis	7:00pm
Sat 28	@ Utah	6:00pm
December	Opponent	Time	Local TV	Nat TV	Radio
Tue 01	vs Miami	7:00pm
Sat 05	vs Houston	7:00pm
Mon 07	@ New York	4:30pm
Wed 09	@ Indiana	4:00pm
Fri 11	@ Cleveland	5:00pm
Sat 12	@ Milwaukee	5:30pm
Tue 15	vs Sacramento	7:00pm
Thu 17	vs Phoenix	7:30pm
Sat 19	@ Orlando	4:00pm
Sun 20	@ Miami	3:00pm
Tue 22	@ Dallas	5:30pm
Wed 23	@ San Antonio	5:30pm
Fri 25	vs Denver	7:30pm
Mon 28	vs Philadelphia	7:00pm
Wed 30	vs LA Clippers	7:00pm
January	Opponent	Time	Local TV	Nat TV	Radio
Sat 02	vs Golden State	7:00pm
Mon 04	@ LA Clippers	7:30pm
Tue 05	vs Memphis	7:00pm
Fri 08	vs LA Lakers	7:00pm
Sun 10	vs Cleveland	6:00pm
Wed 13	vs Milwaukee	7:00pm
Fri 15	vs Orlando	7:30pm
Mon 18	@ Washington	10:00am
Wed 20	@ Philadelphia	4:00pm
Fri 22	@ Boston	4:30pm
Sat 23	@ Detroit	4:30pm
Mon 25	vs New Orleans	7:00pm
Wed 27	vs Utah	7:00pm
Fri 29	@ Houston	5:30pm
Sat 30	@ Dallas	5:00pm
February	Opponent	Time	Local TV	Nat TV	Radio
Mon 01	vs Charlotte	7:00pm
Wed 03	@ Utah	7:30pm
Thu 04	vs San Antonio	7:30pm
Sat 06	vs LA Lakers	7:00pm
Tue 09	vs Oklahoma City	7:00pm
Wed 10	@ Phoenix	6:00pm
Tue 16	vs LA Clippers	7:00pm
Fri 19	vs Boston	7:30pm
Sun 21	vs Utah	7:30pm
Tue 23	@ New Jersey	4:30pm
Wed 24	@ Toronto	4:00pm
Fri 26	@ Chicago	5:00pm
Sat 27	@ Minnesota	5:00pm
March	Opponent	Time	Local TV	Nat TV	Radio
Mon 01	@ Memphis	5:00pm
Wed 03	vs Indiana	7:00pm
Sun 07	@ Denver	7:30pm
Tue 09	vs Sacramento	7:00pm
Thu 11	@ Golden State	7:30pm
Fri 12	@ Sacramento	7:00pm
Sun 14	vs Toronto	6:00pm
Fri 19	vs Washington	7:00pm
Sun 21	@ Phoenix	7:30pm
Thu 25	vs Dallas	7:30pm
Sat 27	@ New Orleans	5:00pm
Sun 28	@ Oklahoma City	4:00pm
Wed 31	vs New York	7:00pm
April	Opponent	Time	Local TV	Nat TV	Radio
Thu 01	@ Denver	7:30pm
Sat 03	@ Sacramento	7:00pm
Wed 07	@ LA Clippers	7:30pm
Fri 09	vs Dallas	7:00pm
Sun 11	@ LA Lakers	12:30pm
Mon 12	vs Oklahoma City	7:00pm
Wed 14	vs Golden State	7:30pm

Junk 07/02: Stat Geek Challenge

12sharks — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 06:06:54 -0000

So, apparently Hedo is either a decent FA pickup or not worth his asking price. I've actually heard arguments for both sides of the coin, plus an opinion that it could be a smokescreen. Also, he was once seen eating pizza. It would be great if there was a place I could go to get 36 hastily-assembled takes on the situation rehashing redundant talking points, but that's obviously a pipe dream.

So, let's make the best of it and put our collective heads together on something I've literally been losing sleep over: a puzzling statistics problem on a project I've been working on.

The only way I know how to explain this is in an imaginary example, so bear with me:

Let's say I own a company, and the company has six main products. I have $600 I'd like to apply to advertising and instead of divvying it up equally I'd like to put more money towards products that are struggling than those that are not.

So I draw up a report for each product to see how each is doing. Unfortunately, I use an unusual reporting system that spits out numbers that are percentage-like but definitely aren't percentages. Here's a breakdown:

Product A: -1.9
Product B: 1.5
Product C: 4.0
Product D: 5.6
Product E: 6.2
Product F: 6.3

(negative numbers mean the sales fell short of the goal, positive numbers mean they exceeded it; a 20 would be a perfect score)

Obviously, Product A could use a lot of help while Products E and F are pretty well set. I can tell A needs a good amount more dough than any of the others, but how much more?

Well, this is kind of where things fall apart in my little accounting act. My instincts say that I should find the average for all products (here it would be 3.7), then calculate the distance of each product from that, trying to find parity between all six. Anything below the average gets its share of the $600 multiplied by its distance while anything above the average gets its share divided.

That works fine in theory, and even makes sense in a human-logic kind of way: Product C, for example, is only very slightly above the average, so its share would be right around the $100 average. The wheels come off for me, though, when I start attempting to multiply or divide by values less than one (Product C would be a +.3, which would have the opposite effect of what I intended) or accounting for the possibility of dividing by zero (which should be zero effect, or 1:1).

I kind of seize up at that point and try to imagine a negative number represented in a pie chart or try to wrap my head around dynamic ranges or whatever and then feel bad and decide I'm curious to see if someone's got a new take on Hedo. Then repeat.

So, any ideas where I'm going wrong? Or maybe there's just somewhere I've gotta go right that I'm just not seeing?

If you came here to talk about sneakers or balls or celebrities or all of the above, congrats on making it this far and you're officially absolved of all necessity to comment on this dilemma. If you're ridiculously smart with numbers and can see the fallacy in my efforts, though, please let me know - it'd really save me some grief!

A Plea for Compassion

12sharks — Sun, 10 May 2009 07:26:10 -0000

I've been around the BEdge for a while now, and I've pretty much come to know what to expect - lots of brilliant, passionate conjecture on (usually) one topic, the Blazers. I can honestly say that I've cited Blazer's Edge as a high point of internet conversation, period - not Blazers talk, not even sports talk, just the best of what the web's all about.

I've also noticed an undercurrent of, well, self-righteousness. I wasn't around during the JailBlazer era - in fact, I only really became a Blazer fan because of this site (there's a feather in your cap, Dave and Ben!) and while I know that those of you who were around and passionate during that time are still smarting, your expressions in this era can sometimes smack of puritanical hand-wringing or even disingenuous piety. Not everyone, and not to everyone, but it's something that I, personally, have picked up on, and something that I, personally, have found less than inviting.

A Case in Point

A lightning rod over the past year has definitely been Chris "Birdman" Andersen. From his garish tattoos to his unconscionable block on Rudy (oh, the nerve!) to his potential signing via free agency this summer, Chris has been on the lips of many a BEdger, and oftentimes those lips are sneered. I can see the general gyst of where some may be coming from: "The JailBlazers made me feel really bad to be a fan, now I don't feel bad to be a fan, let's never, ever have mean players again." And, to an extent, I agree. A lot has been made over character on this team, and, insofar as it works, it makes a lot of sense.

What doesn't make sense to me, however, is the straight-up ugliness with which some BEdgers - presumably operating from a position of sound morals above all else - will attack somebody they know next to nothing about. It's really tantamount to going to a strip club or a dive bar or even a homeless shelter and, pointing your finger at someone, calling them a piece of trash. I know how easy it is to become somebody on the other end of that pointed finger, and I can only hope that, were my number called, I was met with more compassion than a lot of what's been going on around here lately.

If You've Skipped Everything So Far, Please Read This

I've been a fan of Chris Andersen since he re-entered the league. Admittedly, I was at first intrigued just by the weirdness - "Drugs of abuse? What kind of NBA player would be smoking crack?" As I continued to follow him, however, I noticed a remarkably charismatic man who'd done an amazing job of pulling his life together. I honestly would have long, dark doubts about my own chances were I in his situation. That all changed this weekend when I read a year-old article on ESPN.com:

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?page=Andersen-080511

It's a stunning article; literally the most profound human interest story I've ever read about an athlete, ever. Literally. I STRONGLY suggest you read it, but if you don't, please take a look at these facts:

Father deserted family as a child
Lived in a barn, extreme poverty for much of childhood
Mother suffered from depression, gave him up to group home
Returned home, at times lived off of wildlife killed on property
Excelled at sports, was denied by many colleges because of grades
Missed draft eligibility due to unfamiliarity with the process
First player ever called up from D-League
Reckless lifestyle and hangers-on contributed to high-powered cycle of self-destruction and substance abuse

Is this something you really want to laugh at? Is this person so easily discarded as a thug and a lowlife, as many here have called him? I wonder if those who are so judgmental have taken interest in looking beyond the tattoos and preening and sordid history and, before casting stones on his character, looked at his character.

Maybe I'm Wrong

This could all be bunk. Some might see his appearance and have all the information they need to know - "Nope. This guy's no good. I don't want anything to do with him." I could be a real sucker, here, sticking up for a guy I don't even know. Because, really, I don't know him. I've seen him play a few times, watched a few of his YouTube highlights, read a few articles. None of them gave me a real, first-person take on the man himself.

Then again, that's pretty much my entire point, here. Nobody else here has, either. While he's a public face and certainly up for critique in a basketball capacity, why do so many here feel free to slam him outside of that? There aren't any stats on someone's humanity, just the impressions one makes on another as we walk through this world. He seems to have never wronged anyone moreso than himself, and his return and maturation would, I think, be met with applause by those here rather than vitriol.

In the case of Birdman, I honestly feel bad when people here slander him the way they do. It's not because I don't think he can take it - I can pretty much guarantee a) He's not sitting around reading comments on Blazer's Edge and b) obviously has the constitution to handle some pretty devastating blows. I feel bad because this is the behavior of a group to which I belong, and I'd like my associations to say something a little better about me.

Parting Questions

First off, what do you think? Am I being duplicitous in my thesis, grandstanding on a moral issue that people shouldn't.. grandstand on moral issues? Am I right, in that people should reserve passing judgment on someone's character until experiencing it firsthand?

Second, does anyone else see a trend regarding this sort of high-ground mentality? Though Dave has done an excellent, excellent job balancing his on and off-blog persona, and I've never seen him go anywhere near crossing the line of character in that regard, it seems to be kind of the elephant in the room that this is a "faith-based sports site" (as I've seen it described by outside sources*) with a presumably more "faith-based" membership. Does a religious aspect come into play, despite the obviously diverse populous? Are those religious principles at odds with the actions I've described above?

Lastly, why does Birdman garner such scorn to begin with? Is it his outlandish nature, or perhaps his block on Rudy? Would he be reviled or beloved if he played for Portland? Are many of the 'digs' on Birdman solely the razzing of a competitor's player? Is that fair?

I've got a lot of questions, my fellow BEdgers, and I'd love for this to be a conversation, not a soap-box rant. Please keep comments above the belt, but punches unpulled, below. Thanks.

* Upon further review, their reference is kind of ambiguous. They could just be talking about 'preaching to the choir' of basketball fans. Then again, the author then continues to make note of Dave's pastorhood(?). I'm honestly not sure if this is a play on words or saying "BEdge : sports blogs as Christian rock : music".

Junk 02/23: Blazer's Edge-tymology

12sharks — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 20:25:30 -0000

I have long wondered where some people's screen names come from. Forgive me if this has been covered already, but I don't recall having seen one in the year or two I've been reading the Bedge. I bet there are some interesting stories behind many of those out there. For me, it's just my favorite number and my favorite animal - pretty simple and not one of said interesting stories, but I thought I'd share, regardless.

While we're on the topic of words, what exactly does "post" mean when reffering to a "post player" or "in the post"? Is it "post" as in the prefix meaning "behind"? Is it "post" like a thing that sticks up out of the ground? Something else? Please share your ideas and answers below!

Vainly Clutching at Phantom Sanity

12sharks — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 17:43:58 -0000

Preamble

Ah, I remember the days - yes, yes I do. Kinder, gentler days of yore.. youthfully I would frolic through the fields, crashing through Auntie Jane's sheets drying on the line, happening upon a chance whiff of fresh-baked apple pie, stealing away with Ol' Shep my dog to catch pollywogs at the nearest fishin' hole. Yes, these were the days of my youth, of my innocence. Oh, sure, I would sometimes check Blazer's Edge - only occasionally, mind you. Cruise by for a quick game recap, perhaps, or see what that rapscallion Mortimer had up his sleeve in the comments section.

I thought I had it under control. Then the trades came. And hell followed with them.

The Foreshadowing

I remember reading, at some point, someone saying they'd had a dream about Oden getting injured the night before Andrew Bynum did. "What a loser," I thought, "he has dreams about basketball events that haven't even happened yet?" Oh, I was so proud then. Thought I was untouchable. So cool. And wrong. Little did I know that guy would be the freaking Fonz compared to me in short time. Karmically derived or not, a dream would visit my Trade Post-addled brain but a few nights later, the story of which I scarcely dare unfold before you now......

The Dream

Pt. I: Entrance to Hell, Entrance to Heaven

It all begins under one of the baskets at the Rose Garden. The Blazers are in the midst of a mid-season contest with the Golden State Warriors. I'm standing at the baseline, backward-baseball-capped cameramen sitting Indian-style below me. From the darkness emerges Kevin Pritchard, who walks direclty past me and out onto the court. Fortunately, the ball is dead so this doesn't seem to ruffle many feathers. All eyes focus on him and what he holds in his hands. You can hear the breaths of thousands.

Pt. II: The Magician

Majestically, he displays trades hand-written on two slips of paper torn out of a notepad. They're worn and somewhat wrinkled, but nothing if not authoritative. Don Nelson, seating on the opposing side of the court rises. He's dressed nattily in a white linen suit - one of those that look like they're made out of the fire-retardant material hotel curtains in the 70s were made of - and, hands tucked crisply in the creases of his pockets, bows his head. He accepts. During a game.

Pt. III: The Pied Piper

Everyone cheers. The arena erupts with emotion and fanfare. While the eruption doesn't literally detonate the stadium, we all find oursleves quite suddenly outside. It's sunny and green and feels a lot like springtime. Rasheed Wallace is there, dressed in Pistons warmups. He smiles the widest, 'Sheed-est smile he can. Everyone's happy he's here. He's the man of the hour, because he's the one who'll tell us what the trades are. He leads everyone, fists triumphantly pumping, down Multnomah Blvd. as hundreds of joyful believers behind him chant "Sheed! Sheed! Sheed!". Of course, I'm the only one to be right next to him. He loves it, high-stepping like the guy who holds a baton in the parade. I get the best seat in the whole city, no duct tape needed.

Pt. IV: Return to the Gates

After marching for a while, our destination's in sight, rising over the horizon as we climb over a hilly part of the street. We get to.. the Rose Garden? Weren't we just there - inside it, even? Who cares - the show must go on, and this is no situation for asking questions. Mike and Mike are manning a PA system, emceeing the event like the oldest, lamest, whitest block party the world has ever seen. We meet throngs upon throngs of other fans already there, being whipped into a dull frenzy by the duo. Fortunately, we're there at just the right time - the music stops and the announcers are on the verge of reading out the trades.

Pt. V: Showtime

Suddenly, we're on TV. Everything's basically like it was before, except there's a translucent bug in the lower left of everything I see and, intermittently, graphics bearing stats and logos fly across my line of sight. This is a bit of a kick for all of us - we're ready for primetime. Thunderous in its arrival, the first shoe drops:

"Carmelo Anthony in a salary dump for Steve Blake and DeAndre Jordan."

Little is made of the fact that DeAndre's on another team entirely - these details will be sorted out later. It's also tacitly implied that RLEC is included to make the salaries match, but never explicitly mentioned. The Rose Garden announcer - not one of the Mikes - gets on the house microphone and says, in his matter-of-fact in-game tone, the following regarding Steve Blake: "He'll never play another game as a Blazer." This is neither overly sentimental nor caustic in its delivery, though Mike Rice follows this with a woozy tirade on DeAndre Jordan, once even going so far as to proclaim him "too skinny".

Pt. VI: The Escape/Paradise Lost

Before we can process this blockbuster of a trade, the next one's read. It's Elton Brand, to play our backup Power Forward position. Who we're shipping out for him and what the commentators' analysis of the situation are, unfortunately, lost to the sands of time and subconsciousness. My dream must have shifted to something else entirely at that point, and the narrative structure probably came apart at the seams. I wish I could tell you more than that, but, alas, that's the hand we're dealt, here.

The Ascent of Inquiry

Poll

HEY GUYS WOULD YOU MAKE THIS TRADE??

Yes, both! And I will help your landlord with the guitar string Easter-egg hunt!

6 votes

Carmelo Anthony for Steve Blake, DeAndre Jordan (not our team) and (probably) RLEC

7 votes

Elton Brand for [lost in your Grandparents' house] and [painting a piece of toast]

2 votes

No! And why did you say Sheed would read the trades when the Mikes did?

9 votes

24 votes | Poll has closed

Hey - We Made a Rule!

12sharks — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 15:48:27 -0000

It looks like the Blazers will be the last team to ever score with six men on the court.

The NBA has added a rule that will close up an officiating loophole that was exposed in a game between the Celtics and Blazers on Dec. 30.

The Blazers inadvertently had six players on the floor against the Celtics. With 10.1 seconds left in the first half, Boston frantically tried to cover up defensively on an in-bounds play, but Portland's Travis Outlaw broke free and dunked.

here's the link

Now to just get that tricky medical retirement contract thing straightened out..

Junk Trades: All-Stard Edition

12sharks — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 22:38:35 -0000

HEY GUYS WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY TRADE

http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=d9s57e

It's pretty good and I think everyone gets what they're looking for and hopefully the Bobcats pull the trigger. This is my first fanpost and trade idea so please don't hate too much!!!!!!

Also, does anyone know who is in the All-Star game? I hope all the Blazers make it - even my man Shavlik - you go, Shavlik!

lol Oden 4-ever

Why We Lost

12sharks — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 17:51:53 -0000

With stunning accuracy and knee-weakening focus, our opponent, elite basketball machines, robot-like in unwavering precision and demoralizingly professional, delivers blow by soul-crushing blow. It is only with this intensity that a team may reach its true potential, individuals but cogs in a devastating, unstoppable juggernaut* prepared to sacrifice their own glory and passions for a cold and calculated victory.

If you're intrepid, view this video of how the Warriors prepared for last night's victory, take notes, and may god have mercy on your soul:

*Unstoppable juggernaut - is that redundant?

Fatty's Latest Blog Post, Translated

12sharks — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 19:06:32 -0000

Just like the title reads, folks:

Let me first say hello to all my Blazer's Edge comrades all around the world. [The] first thing I would like to talk about is this team's identity (or style of play). My question to all of you is: do you really know the style of play of this team on a consistent basis? In my humble opinion, I would like Nate to make [the methodology of] this very young group into a defensive-type Detroit/Spurs style of play.

One of the problems this team has is [that] you really don't know what Blazers team is going to show up on a nightly basis. If Nate decided this offseason to go a pure defensive style and play to an 88-83 [win], this team would be scary. To back up my theory is the fact that our team is very long and young. If you can sell Roy/Aldridge/Oden on playing a strictly defensive style, I promise you these kids will all buy into it.

[Regarding] Nate, I know a lot of you guys are upset with his style of play and coaching skills, but a lot of [you] (as usual) dropped the ball on one most-important fact: there is no pressure on Nate to win a title for at least three years. All of this foolish talk of a dynasty in PDX is very unrealistic - sorry to burst a lot of your [...] bubbles. In the NBA, it takes time to become a serious title contender on a yearly basis. Bird/Magic/Duncan are the exceptions to the rule. Even MJ took seven years to win his first of six (and should've been eight-straight) title rings.

Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge are going to be a lethal combo, but the Blazers are missing that third wheel; a guy like a Kevin Durant would be perfect for this group. When the draft was going to happen two years ago, I said Durant would fit [in perfectly] with those two guys, but I understood why Oden was the choice. As time goes on, Oden should come into his own as a defensive dominant force. As for his offense, I said if [] Oden equaled 14-16 points, 10.5-12.5 rebounds and 3.5 blocks [per] game, [Nate] would breakdance down Pioneer Square. This is a message to all the fans who really believed Oden was going to put up Shaq numbers (28 points, 11.5 rebounds, 2 blocks [per] night): stop dreaming. Oden is going to be a lot closer to [the] numbers I predicted than those unrealistic Shaq numbers many of you believed he would put up.

Do I believe Oden is a bust? No. [As a] matter of fact, when I was chatting with [Mike] Rice two weeks ago I said, "Coach [ed: ??], imagine him two years from this day (1/15/11) - how he'll be and [where] this franchise will be at." He looked at me and said "Scary. Very scary." I couldn't agree with him more. Fans (especially [those] who jumped aboard during the Oden regime), this message is for you: be patient; it's going to take at least 3-4 years to get the pieces in place for a very long title run.

With Allen, Miller, Koldhe and (especially) Pritchard making the moves [with] a financial bankroll in place, this team has a legitimate title window between 2011-2017 to win at least two titles, maybe three. The crowds at the Rose Garden (a.k.a. "God's Palace") [...] sometimes gives me goosebumps. I love PDX. It's the best little city America keeps sleeping on. Like I told Williams and Rice, keep it that way, Portlanders. The last thing you really need out there is riffraff invading that beautiful city on the Pacific coast. Keep up the great work, Blazers fans, because we haven't [yet] even scratched the damn surface on how great this franchise is going to be.

So, to wrap up my first article, in my humble opinion:

Nate should go to a strictly defensive-type team because of the youth and length of the kids on the roster.

Roy/Aldridge need one more guy to make this team complete.

Oden is not going to be a Shaq-type of player - more [of] a [Bill] Russell type of player.

This franchise is in great shape fiancially [as well as in the] player management department.

The fans have been sensational in PDX, [not to mention] the state of Oregon, but most importantly at the Rose Garden. Keep up the great work, Blazermaniacs.

[Lastly], how can I forget the most loyal Blazer fans on the planet, the readers and contributors on Blazer's Edge. Without you, I wouldn't know any of you great people. A special "thank you" to Dave for asking me to write this article. And to you, Ben, for giving me a fair shot to talk to you about the team while [I] was on my one-year ban.

Thank-you blazersedge. Keep up the great blogging and, most importantly, go Blazers.

Shavlik Randolph: A Life

12sharks — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 08:21:30 -0000

Enough Is Enough

I have to say that, while I am all for a person's right to speak their mind and share their feelings, I really don't appreciate the negativity and verbal abuse every one of you has been hurling at 'The Shav'. He's not a bust. He is NOT Nate's 'pet' player - though the two do have, obviously, a healthy respect for each other as contemporaries and equals.. don't hate. And don't even get me started on this whole so-called 'fragility' issue - dude's a survivor. He's battled injury-plagued college seasons, a major leg surgery, mono and "an accident during practice that teammates described as gruesome, comparing it to former NFL quarterback Joe Theisman's career-ending injury" [Wikipedia]. Good lord.

Look, don't get me wrong - there's definitely room for improvement. Right now, he's coming off a year where he averaged a not-great 0.9pts a game. We all know that could go up, but it could certainly be worse with the lack of shots to go around on this stacked team. You've got to think that cushy 3 minutes per game he was working with in Philadelphia will have to fall back to Earth in a big way, too. And yes, he only had 11 rebounds and 3 blocks on the season, not exactly the numbers you look for from your stud PF, but you could always look at it the other way: what if I told you there's a player on our team who, last year, averaged more offensive rebounds per game than points and had as many blocks as assists? Obviously, that's a versatile, high-ceilinged player - these are facts.

And, yes, there are those out there who are like "ooh.. Steven Hill's scored more points and grabbed more rebounds this year than Shavlik - why didn't we get him?" Ignore these people. I know it was a difficult call, with our getting the first pick of basically the two top recruits in the nation, but here's a couple facts about Steven Hill:

1. He plays for the Thunder. The Thunder SUCKS - of course he's going to get run and free license to chuck it up whenever he wants.
2. He's a center. Where would we find the minutes for him in this system with two project centers already in front of him?
C. Sure, people will say that Hill's scored his two points for the season in only two minutes of one game, but I say this: yes, he's a freaking point-a-minute phenom, but he's simply been on fire of late and his unreal shooting percentage (FG% 1.000 on the season) has got to slow down soon. Plus, he's from Arkansas(?) and has a beard.

So, all things considered, the choice becomes abundantly clear - you take the player who's the best all-around and the best fit for the team, not some media creation that serves only as a me-first distraction. Furthermore, talk like this only hurts Shav's feelings and everyone loves it when he is all jokey and your best bud but nobody can stand him when he's sad and distant, so please, just shut up about it already.

Bullet Points

Averages over 60 slam-dunks a season.
Broke Pistol Pete's single-game scoring record.
Little-known fact: The Dream Shake was actually named after him.
Can dribble with one hand.
Adores children and animals and volunteers at a nursing home.
Has never EVER been dunked on.
Have you seen that part of The Shining where the elevator opens up and all the blood comes pouring out? He can do that.
The Kobayashi of basketball.
During the Great Quake of '98, kept both the Burnside AND the Hawthorne bridges from collapsing.. by himself.
Doesn't return my phone calls.
Frequents OMSI.
Owns Kazaam on DVD and VHS.
That whole 'you now have a restraining order' thing.

So, hopefully this paints a pretty clear and definitive picture of Shavlik Randolph and we can all put our petty remarks aside. I think we can all agree that we're here because we're Blazers fans and want to see them do well. Let's get them, us and especially Shav out from under the microscope so we can focus on the important things. Things like who needs to be fired and Coincast Sucks and how much better the Blazers would be if sociophobic nerds ran the team. Some preach patience, others punctual prosperity, but in the end we're all just looking for a good time, some good conversation and a good phone number for a certain someone (any leads?). Be safe, play hard, and god bless.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."

-Shavlik Randolph